Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

I wanted to write one last politically-minded AMF article tonight, seeing as its the last real chance I’ll have to speak out before “the big decision” tomorrow. I’m still nervous as fuck about it. Not that it fucking matters, when we get down to it. Will 4 years of Kerry make such a glaring difference over Bush? Sure, I’ll feel a lot better when I hear the words “The President today said…” and not have to hold back pulling out my hair to try and figure out how the fuck he could butcher the english language so bad and still pretend to run a country. But, how much positive change will it make? Hopefully, a lot.

Ahh… but I digress. The point I’m trying to make tonight is to just calm the fuck down. I don’t mean about this election, I mean about everything. I’m launching an MF Missile at motherfuckers that are far too serious, far too paranoid, and far too globally-minded to live a normal fucking life and (most of all) to let the rest of us live our fucking lives.

You know these people well, you’ve seen them before – and even more so recently. Something about having a dickheaded dimwit in the president’s office brings these people out in droves. This isn’t to say that these all-too-conscious folks aren’t at least somewhat justified in their responses, their actions, their speeches, their fucking websites, and even some of their conspiracy theories. And, I guess that’s the worst part about it. I see the good in them. I see what they’re trying to do. But, like PETA before them – their hearts are in the right place, but their fucking heads are in the clouds.

Those of you who are (un)fortunate enough to have spent any reasonable length of time around me might know that I really do try and make a difference in this world. Cue jokes about how writing in a shitty blog that has a readership of, at best, 10 people a day doesn’t accomplish shit. Irrespective of that, I do actually made pretty solid attempts at making a difference. I speak my mind. I encourage others to speak their minds. I even provide *ahem* A FORUM for people to sound off to their heart’s desire. Advertise your shitty conspiracy website – fine by me. Talk about how much it annoys you when you your latest overpriced lifesize Hot Wheels car doesn’t attract all the fine bitches on your block. Cool shit, man. Really, I don’t give a fuck. I’ve even got a friend who’s in that forum damn near weekly, posting FOF articles to no one in particular.

I want to point out, not to wear the “goodguy badge”, but for integrity’s sake, that I’m a socially-conscious, caring individual. I’ve donated my time, talent (yes, I can hear your laughter now), and money to a great many people and causes. Here’s a quick sampling that, believe it or not, I’ve done in my life thus far:

• Helped build a Catholic church on the outskirts of the California desert.
• 5 years in row, went with my mother to be “secret santa” and just leaving random gifts at random people’s doors. This wasn’t through an organization – it was just us.
• Marched through the middle of downtown Seattle for the WTO riots, despite being tear-gassed and having to dodge those pesky rubber bullets.
• Provided room and board for a bunch of druggies for an entire summer (okay, this was just consider “an extended party” at the time, but let’s pass over that detail for now).
• Given many homeless people cash, pocket change, food leftover from a night at some fancy restaurant (and Denny’s, which is barely food – but it counts when you’re starving), cigarettes, and even told them jokes to cheer them up
• Helped a financially-struggling family move into their apartment in Phoenix – despite having never met them before, but seeing they needed some help
• Used the ol’ deviled cellphone to dial help for people stranded on the highway a few times
• Done the “yeah, I’ve got a working car battery, I’ll give you a jump if you’ve got cables” thing
• Started this website, to the fanfare of… well, apparently just myself
• Been the “shoulder to cry on” for more people than I could ever count in my lifetime, and continue to do so whenever possible
• Helped this guy out over the last year-and-a-half with his official logo, two website redesigns, registered (and paid for) about 5 domains, helped write scripts for unfinished TV and radio shows, provided talent in aforementioned unfinished shows, provided a book cover redesign, accomplished a full editing of his book from front to back, hooking him up with photographers to take promo shots to use in advertising materials (some of which I also made) and a multitude of other unmentionables for the one-time low price of…. free. Why? Because I believe in him and his work.
• Participated in food drives, parades (try wearing a full-body dog costume in the AZ summer heat sometime), children’s plays, etc. for the homeless, disenfranchised, and less-than-perfectly-well-off
• Given Bob webhosting, unlimited e-mail addresses and e-mail archival space (with unlimited attachment size), paid for one of his domains, and I continue to do this for the simple hope that he’ll contribute to this site (thereby also giving him a forum to complain about his life which he just loves to do so much) and yet… he hasn’t written so much as an FOF article in almost 10 months.

I won’t go on tooting my own horn. That’s really not what that list was about. My point is – I’ve done some shit to help people. I’ve participated in some noble causes in my life. I know what it’s like to be passionate about causes, to be passionate about worldwide change and growth for humanity. I understand these things, and I understand how important it is to carry on the fight. Hell, I even agree that most people of this country (if not this planet) are far too complacent, lazy, self-important and overfed to get off their rotten keisters to actually fucking do something about our embarrassing political climate. Some might argue that doing what I’m doing isn’t helping shit. I’m just some over-opinionated asshole that steps up the soapbox of overpaid web designer yuppies to yell out at an empty crowd about nothing of importance. Fuck you. I needed a voice, and I created a voice. Whether it’s heard or not – I can’t say, all I can do is try and get traffic without any shady business practices and hope to influence those who influence those who influence the world. I’d do more – but it’s a heavy weight to carry when you’re simultaneously trying to pay your rent, car note, insurance, overwhelming dental bills cause your rotting chompers were making everyone sick, and trying to make a name for yourself in comedy, music, tv, radio, film, and online.

Maybe I’m too selfish. Maybe I’m not doing enough to help the starving children of Ethiopia, the poor and disenfranchised that live practically in my backyard, the struggling mothers who shat out too many children at 14 years old, the poor cows being slaughtered for their delicious insides, and a million other “worthwhile” causes.

Ya know what? Fuck you, too. Get a fucking life. Seriously. That’s what this is about. Getting a fucking life. Take a break every once in awhile. Laugh. Have fun. Go get shit-faced and bang a vietnamese whore while you snort coke off her fake tits and then fuck her in the ass and take pictures to show your friends. Defecate in the middle of the street and vomit up some greasy McDonald’s food comprised of any animal parts they could find in the streets that week, and put it in bag – a plastic bag – and light it on fire, light a cigarette with it. Show them God is dead by defiling a cross with your semen. If you’re a woman – make the day of a random homeless man – suck his cock and spit his semen onto that sodden tribute to fear and consumerism for priests who fuck precious little-boy-ass.

It seems every time I sign on to a community site like MySpace, there’s another bleeding-heart pussy whining on about the latest conspiracy (“ohhh they’re going to institute a draft!”) or slowly killing themselves over a fucking poultry slaughter. Quit trying to make me feel bad for living my life. I do a lot for people, for the world. Maybe you don’t know what I’m doing, maybe you think this is the epitome of my political outbursts now and forever. You’d be really fucking wrong, but maybe that’s what you think. Fine. Think it. Fuck you for judging me.

Right now, I want to get things done for me – yes, I like money. I fucking said it. I like money. I love it. I can do a lot of fun things with it. I like my spankin’ new 2005 Altima with the convenience package so I can skip tracks on a CD and crank up the volume from the comfort of my steering wheel without having to lean my fat ass forward and actually push the fucking buttons on the stereo. What of it? None of this fucking matters. I’m doing what I can to make a living, to have a life, to have fun. My mind is plagued, same as yours, with Weltschmerz (look that up in your Funk & Wagnall’s) day in and day out. But, I fuckin’ cope. I move on. I move on because I know one day I’ll have a lot more money, a lot more time, and be a lot more educated. I’m then going to take this culmination of money, time, education, awareness, and passion and funnel it into worldwide change the likes of which you may have never seen before. Meanwhilst, you’re picketing Burger King for cooking their veggie patties on the same grills that they use for cookin’ burgers.

My advice to you, as if you’d listen to me, is this: get educated, get money, have fun, live life, and then hold a torch for all your causes. News flash for you self-important “I know everything” college kids – the world’s not going to burn itself up and disappear if you don’t work on your latest clever political spoken word speech you plan to give at the next art show.

The problem is, many of you won’t even bother to get educated about that which you rally against. You hear one loud, liberal hippie drone on about oil companies and meat packing industries and you jump in line like the cattle that you are because you don’t want to feel like a bad person for not giving a shit. I don’t always give a shit. Am I a bad person? Fuck it, maybe I am. But, I’m true to myself. I know what I believe in. My passions are dug deep in the ground as foundations that will uphold structures like a vast, over-extended metaphor.

Many of you failed to realize that picketing against Bush’s bullshit war did so very little to help it was almost pathetic. As law-abiding citizens, you worked your American fingers to the bone to pay taxes on oil that fueled the cars you used to get to a street corner and hold up your signs constructed of processed, dead trees written on them by markers with chemical compounds sure to destroy the environment, only to have some asshole honk at you like he agrees that the war is bullshit. Was your voice heard? Did the “war” stop? Unfortunately, it didn’t make one lick of difference. Damn shame, isn’t it? All that work for nothing. Oh well, you went back to work, you went back to your compound to work on your next paranoid delusion. You didn’t do enough. You should’ve done more. But what more can you do, without more money, power, time, education? A whole lotta nothing. Now you’re starting to see my point.

But you don’t wanna sit around doing nothing. You want to be heard. Fine. Be heard. I love it. Come here and sound off. I FUCKING LOVE IT. Start your own website and sound off. Send me the link. I’ll fuckin’ read it. Post the link in the comments section here. Enough bullshit companies send spam bots through here to post links to shit I’d never support, and I delete them. At least if your site isn’t about Viagra, bigger dicks, online casinos or some other horseshit – I won’t delete it. What good will it do? What big change will it make? Probably very little. It doesn’t matter, though. You make your point, you move on. You take your life’s work and one day you funnel it into something that shakes foundations. That’s how positive change is made. Hell, that’s how negative change is made, too. Al Qaeda didn’t get our attention by holding up signs. I don’t condone their behaviour, not in a million fucking years – but they pooled their resources. Had they been more constructive and not destructive, then maybe more of us would’ve listened and not just said “fuck it, bomb the motherfuckers!” (a reasonable response considering the circumstances).

Put down your fucking pickets. Put away your fucking bulletins on MySpace. Stop making me feel bad for your cause that I don’t support anyway. Pool your resources, organize, get money, have fun, get educated, have more fucking fun cause you’ve got but one life to live, then go out and rock this motherfucker. Seriously. Make your mark. Not destructively. Constructively. How do we do that? Well… when you’ve got that figured out, I guess you’ll have all the answers, won’t you?

As for me, I’ll just be living my life, writing on here, making jokes about all of it, writing songs about it, and one day… maybe you’ll see what it was all about. And when you do, maybe you’ll applaud and see the huge shit-eating grin I’ll be wearing.

You wanna be heard? Vote for Kerry tomorrow. It might not make a fuck of a difference, but we’ve gotta try to get that fuckhead Bush outta the White House. And if you want Bush in the White House – go spit on yourself.

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