Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

Was having a talk w/a friend, explaining the careful differences between someone you’re "dating" or "seeing" versus someone you’d want a genuine future with. To that end, I said there are certain things that I just consider "love", and that I wouldn’t want someone I was "casually dating" to do for/with me, and that I’d not do for/with them. Now I don’t necessarily mean that all things (or any one thing in particular) listed below means I/you "love" someone. But.. it shows I/you care, in a very real way. You might find this list twisted and disturbing, but.. honestly, I’m not being facetious here. Well, not entirely.

1. Swallowing. Yes, I mean semen.

2. When I’m sick and you make me soup, green tea, blow me, and fuck me while I just lie there.

3. If I let you have the remote at my place.

4. Road-head.

5. "Welcome home. I made us a nice dinner, and I’ll do the dishes in the morning"

6. If I trust you enough to shave my head.

7. Fucking you while your Aunt Flo’s in town.

8. If I go down on you for more than 30 minutes and don’t complain of neck cramps, or make comment to the effect of "are you close?".

9. Spooning is for semi-close people and/or liars trying to fake a closeness. Me lying on my back while your leg is draped over the top of my thighs, your arm is over my chest and I’m coddling your head with my arm, to keep you close to me – that’s love.

10. If you’ve ever painted something for me, made something out of clay for me, or written a song about me.

11. If you don’t rub it in my face that Bouschka lies on top of you instead of me.

12. If I talk when we’re fucking. Double points if I actually say your name while we’re fucking. Triple points if your name follows the sentence "I love fucking the hell out of you…" while we’re fucking

13. Mid-day text messages to wish me a good day, or just to say "hi".

14. If you’ve ever said "You sound like you had a bad day…. how ’bout I just blow you for awhile?". Double points if you’re pleasantly surprised when I return the favor

15. Trusting me enough to choke you almost unconscious, but …. not quite (while we’re fucking, I mean).

16. Sticking w/me for 3 years despite all but the last 4 months of the relationship having my teeth look like this

17. If I don’t give you a speech about touching my computer while I sleep. Double points if I’ve made a "guest account" on said computer for you to use.

18. If I’ll walk around naked, with the lights on, in front of you.

19. If you’ve ever bought a gift for me that shows that you clearly know who I really am, and how much I’d love said gift.

20. If I’ve ever taken you to Phoenix to meet my family/friends. Double points if they don’t tell me in private something bad/stupid/annoying that you did. Triple points if my sister asks about you within 5 minutes of a casual phone conversation.

21. Personal jokes.

22. Petnames.

23. Realizing that despite my efforts to avoid being "cute", I sometimes do "cute" things "but in an evil way", and you resist the urge to point that out every possible chance you get.

24. Feeling perfectly at ease at a pornstar party, when I point out nuances of female pink parts on the partygoers that I’ve designed websites for.

25. If we go to a goth/dance club together, and neither of us feels rejected, neglected, left out, or even slightly uncomfortable the whole night. Double points if I’m perfectly happy making out w/you in the corner, all night, at said club. Triple points if I’ve been to that club before, or have intentions of returning any time soon.

26. If, without coersion or nudging, you take it upon yourself to give my balls a thorough licking when giving me head. Double points if you inhale one or both testicles into your mouth and suck on it without hurting me, or me pulling your hair to make you stop.

27. If on my command you’ll gladly rub yourself, spread eagle, in the middle of a room w/the lights on while I run across the room to grab condoms.

28. If you agree with me that my emperor scorpion crawling across your naked and exposed breasts looks "hot" and you go ahead and do it without squealing.

29. If you’re truly comfortable with my making jokes in mixed company and on-stage about you, both of us together, our relationship, or our sex life. Double points if you enjoy reading LJ and AMF entries I’ve written about our sex life.

30. If you’ve ever thought "I wish I could hear Skinny Puppy’s ‘Killing Game’ while he fucks me". Double points if you ask me to put it on, for just that reason. No one’s ever done this, btw.

31. You realized that sex on the first date is only taboo for people who still give a shit, and know that our relationship will last just as long, if not longer, if you don’t "hold out on me".

32. Showing off the "battle scars" I gave you in bed, to your friends. Double points for co-workers.

33. Admitting you didn’t have an orgasm, and being comfortable with it.

34. If I let you talk to my mom on the phone for more than 2 minutes.

35. If I’ll genuinely enjoy going to your parents place, because we get along. Okay, so this one’s never happened either. But that’s not always my fault.

36. If you don’t hiss at me when I do impromptu photo shoots with other women. Double points if they’re at least half-naked.

And last, but not least..

37. You’re not afraid to say "I love you" first.

Oh and.. feel free to post your own. Either in the comments, or on your own blog/LJ. I’m curious to know what triggers that "love" thang for you.

Diggin' my shit? Well then..