Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

I know. You’re double-checking the date on this entry and your calendar – wondering “is it April 1st again, already?”. No, this isn’t a prank. Hell hasn’t frozen over, either. It may have gotten.. a little colder, sure, but it’s not frozen over. Allow me to explain..

Around about 2 months ago, I woke up one Friday morning and said to myself “what if I DIDN’T try to have sex with anyone this weekend?”. It was like a personal challenge to myself. Oddly enough, that night I met more than a few prime candidates, the next evening a woman grabbed me and made out w/me for some photo opp for her website. Still not sure what that was about. But, true to my word, I didn’t fuck anyone. I’m not even sure I hit on anyone, though I tend to sound like I’m hitting on everyone within a 10 foot radius of me when I’m drunk.

I’ve been exceedingly busy these last few months, for those of you who don’t know. Between work, my M+TV show, finishing up big projects w/clients, and doing some of my own little secret projects on the side – I’ve barely had time for shit. Certainly I’ve no time for an active dating/sex life. I could FIND the time, of course, to go out and fuck the random person if I were so inclined – but I’m not.

Why, though?

A few reasons, actually.

For staters.. up until recently, I had but one female friend who has (for the most part) been single almost the entire time we’ve known each other, (and I’ve known her “In Real Life”) – and we’ve never slept together. I’ve dated a lot of women that have been more than casually upset about meeting all my female friends only to find out later that at one time or another – we’ve all fucked (save for the afforementioned one).

Not that I really give a fuck what some floozy has to say about my past – but, for myself, it’d be nice to see if I could actually keep a few platonic female friends around without testing those waters.

I’ve also long been curious what it’s like to go to a club, hang out, chat w/people, get drunk, etc. (while single) and not try and put my TAB A into someone’s SLOT B. Oh sure, I did that more than a few times when I had girlfriends – cause I don’t wander clubs looking to cheat on people. But, it’s different when you’re single. Kinda liberating.

I also, like I said, don’t really have the time to go out and find people. I could (and have) found them around online and things like that, but.. I just don’t care that much. Few things suck worse than getting to know someone who’s just a totally lame fuck. You end up stuck in a situation that there’s rarely ever a good, safe, harmless way out of. Right now, I get to easily avoid those situations as well.

Now, my little “vow of celibacy” has gone pretty much completely unnoticed by everyone I know. In fact, only 1-2 friends of mine know about it right now, and they only found out just before I wrote this.

I can’t say it was entirely intentional, admittedly.

All I was originally trying to do is just SEE if I could, and SEE what it was like. From there.. it pretty much took on a life of its own. Showing nearly no interest in givin’ the Spicy-Hot Mitcz Pole™ to those waiting in the wind (let’s pretend women wait in the wind for me, okay?) has put me in “friend” territory for more than a few women I’ve met recently. And, actually.. I don’t mind that. Really.

Yes, this is still Mitcz.

You see, when you suddenly shut down your normally over-active “fuck sensors” and just ignore them and move along.. it’s almost like women can smell it. Like “it’s safe to be here, the guards are sleeping”. They’ll suddenly open up about certain subjects and talk in a way that… kinda concerns me, sometimes. I won’t go into details right now, cause that might get weird. But.. it’s nice. It’s nice to have those talks, sometimes.

In a conversation I was just having w/a friend of mine, it came up that perhaps what I’m doing now is a part of “growing” or…”growing up”. Who fuckin’ knows. I really don’t care, to be honest. I’m not trying to discover myself, or find inner peace, or do soul-searching, or yadda yadda bla bla bullshit fuck-ass.

In some ways, it’s also that I just don’t have the time or the energy to put forth in finding people I feel like fucking – nor do I have much interest in hanging out afterwards acting like I really give a fuck what they’re yakkin’ on about all the time. Busy guy = me. I ain’t got time to hear about your new fuckin’ shoes. I’m only listening cause.. hey, maybe you’ll blow me. But since I don’t give a fuck about that, either, I’ve also avoided a lot of really boring conversations as of late and I gotta say – that’s a nice treat.

If anyone saw “40 Year Old Virgin”, like I did this past weekend, you may have noticed something. Dude’s got a nice place. Lots of stuff. Like.. expensive shit. Beyond just the toys. But, he works at what’s likely a $10/hour job, at best. Where does he get that money? He’s not spending it on dates. Another great reason for celibacy – it’s like getting a little raise, cause… let’s face it, women are expensive. Even if you go the cheap route, like I usually do, it adds up quick. Plus, if you like to balance actively dating multiple women at one time (again, like I do) – it adds up even quicker.

But tonight I’m going home to my just-arrived 20″ Apple Cinema Display. I bought it w/money I’ve saved. How sthpecial.

So, that’s my little “announcement” if you will. It’s sort of a coming-out. No one really knew about this, and I’ve carried on w/most people I know, talking about “ROUGH ANAL” and “gettin’ my fuck on” and what-not, just like I always have. They’ve really been none-the-wiser.

When will the celibacy end? When I fuckin’ feel like it. That might be next year, it might be 5 minutes from now. So… watch out?

It could come to pass that the wolf is just enjoying a nap amongst the sheep, with no desire to attack because his belly’s full. I may wake up tomorrow and say “fuck it” and run around making up for lost time with any female who’s heart is still beating.

But for now, the Mitcz is celibate. My proverbial Rompin’ Hat is on the hook.

as an aside..
posting this may or may not completely fuck up my social life.
We shall see.

UPDATE

As my friend Champagne (who, appropriately enough, is the female friend I was talking about in the beginning of the entry) pointed out..

One thing though… if you’re not doign it for any real reason, and you’re not testing your willpower by imposing a time frame… can you really call it a “vow of celibacy?” It sounds to me more like a “I’m not boning anyone right now. And I may or may not continue to not bone anyone for no particular period of time.” Which to me kinda sounds just like an average day to most people, rather than an MSNBC Breaking News Story.

Good point, Champie Champ and the Funky Bunch (anyone else calling her that will lose their testicles, btw, so I’d stick with just “Champagne” if I were you). I want to address this.

Whereas on a normal day, most people are of the mind that they may or may not have sex w/someone (no one in particular), there are a few things to consider :

1. Men don’t generally walk the earth with a conscious decision to not fuck anyone. I hate to pull the gender card, but it’s true.
2. I, specifically, have never made any blanket statements that would so much as imply I wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to “shag ass” with a woman “of my type” (translation : fuckable).
3. This is a little more than just deciding against sex once or twice with a woman or two.

All things accounted for, I’ve turned down the opportunity (whether it was expressly offered to me, or I just “could’ve taken it there”) to engage in sex with over 10 people in the last 2 months. That includes, by the way, a 3-some. However, I barely count it because I was almost kidnapped in that scenario.

QUICK SEGUE : I left a club, accompanied by two women. One was.. maybe a 7.5, the other was maybe a 6. Not too shabby, and as drunk as I was, I wouldn’t have complained. The 7.5 (we’ll call her “blondie”) was an Irish girl, said she was 23. She also said “come with us, cutie, we’ll go to a nice bar down the street”. I said “why another bar?”, she said “I want to have a drink, and this place is closing. Afterwards, who knows… we should prolly just go to your place afterwards. Can my friend come?”. I was escorted, one on each arm, out of the club I was at. Walking along the street, a convertible Camaro pulled up. There were two muscular, oafish, semi-drunk men in the front seat. Blondie’s sister in the back seat. She said “c’mon, our ride’s here” and hopped in. As I stood there, drunk and wobbling, I realized “waitaminute.. these are a bunch of drunk jocks. Fuck that shit”. The two (actually 3 at this point) girls literally grabbed my arm and tried pulling me into the car. The jock-fucks, I overheard, said “dude, who’s the freak?”. I pulled away, waved, and walked the rest of the way home (a short walk). Still – I did turn down a damn-near-guaranteed 3some.

I agree that perhaps I should put a time limit on it. Notsomuch a “limit” per se, but a .. time. Like “until…..” ya know, just to make it all official. The reason I’ve not done that is that right now, for the first time in… well, maybe ever, I just don’t give a fuck. I’m not out to get ass, what ass is handed to me I’ve turned away, and I’m just riding that out. If I suddenly wake up and go “I need ass”, I see no beneficial reason to deny myself sexual satisfaction at the hands (or mouth, vagina, anus) of another. This isn’t to say me and the hand don’t have our fun. I still do that, nightly in fact. But, I’ve no interest at this point in finding anyone to join me.

And that, my good friend of long-time-now, is newsworthy in MitczLand™. My logic (whether written or spoken or sung) = MitczLand™, for the uninitiated. Not that I’m special. I just felt like writing about it.

Oh and to Edanya, who wrote..

p.p.s. you know what youve done, dont you? now every chick that finds out about this is gonna try to get you to break your vow of celibacy to make themselves feel special. dont worry, ill bring a stick :D

Perhaps. But the only thing that’s going to break my celibacy is me. No one else. I’ve had my temptations and they were pretty easy to reject (easier than I thought, in fact), and that ain’t changin’ anytime soon. Still, once I do break the chain…

it’ll be nice to have those tempters around.
Knowing life and fate, however, they’ll all conveniently find boyfriends or disappear off the face of the earth 2 hours before I decide to jump back in the game again.

Mkay, then. Who’s next?

Diggin' my shit? Well then..