Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

Many people consider my view on “the one” to be.. at the very least, pessimistic. I AM one of those people who believes there’s more than a handful of people who are “just perfect” for someone else. In fact, the more desirable you are, the more people there are that are “just perfect” for you. However, in talks with my dad (who thinks I’m killing my numbers with my tats/piercings/lifestyle), we’ve jokingly determined my odds.

Okay, so first we’ll start with the population of Los Angeles (within an acceptable driving distance of.. maybe 40 miles in each direction).

(the numbers/percentages listed here, where not completely estimated by me, have been gathered by the U.S. Census Bureau info available on : this page, and this page)

I’ve got to base most of my numbers on the 2000 census. For reference, however, the population of L.A. county in 2004 was 9,937,739. The population in 2000 was 9,519,338. While the margin of error begins at about 400,000 – I’ve used mostly percentage-based calculations to gather my numbers, so they’re fairly accurate. It doesn’t much matter, I’m not trying to prove a solid point, just theorize anyway.

Quick stats :
Population of L.A. County : 9,937,739
Female Population : 5,058,309
People under 18 : 2,782,566
People Over 65 : 963,960
Percentage of Total Population that are eligible for marriage (over 15 years of age) : 7,252,521
Number of married people : 3,542,359
Number of Widowed : 397,823
Percentage of those widowed that are females : 98.7% (meaning 325,375 people)

Okay, so that’s where we’ll pull from.
There’s a 50.9% female population (gonna say 50% to keep it easy). So, I can reasonably deduce 1/2 of each of those numbers to gain a perspective on the number of eligible females.

We start with about 5,058,309 women.

Females Under 18 : 1,416,326
Females Over 65 : 490,655
Total Still eligible so far : 1,906,981

Now, according to the stats broken down by AreaConnect, they put the following percentages on age groups :

15 to 19 years : 6.81%
20 to 24 years : 8.12%
25 to 34 years : 18.24%

I can safely toss out the 15-19 year olds, so there’s 6.81% gone. The remainder, combined, equal 26.36%. Taking into account that there’s an estimated 50.9% of females, we can reasonably estimate that there are about..

1,315,160 Females between 20 and 34 years old.

Let’s consider marriage for a minute. If out of 9,937,739 people, there are about 3,542,359 that are married, and an additional 397,823 that are widowed, we are left with roughly 5,997,557 people who are single, and not suffering the loss of a dead ex. I leave those people out because I’ve heard the stories of dealing with post-widowed life partners. Not a good time.

So, 5,997,557 is roughly 65% of 9,937,739. Let’s use that for our future purposes, and then we’re keeping in mind the whole “50.9% are females” thing, right? Good.

1,315,160 Females between 20 and 34 years old.
854,854 of those Females are unmarried, and not nursing a broken heart from a dead ex husband.

As one friend said “wow. 854,000? That’s a lot of pussy”. Ahh.. yes. To start with, it ain’t bad. But let’s consider a few other factors..

I’m not looking for women with children. Fun as they are to fuck (the mothers, not the children), let’s leave them out of the relationship equation for this. I’m not saying they’re not worthwhile, but again I’m just going for “ideal woman” status shit here anyway.

According to this study by Families.com, they estimate about 27.7% of homes in the U.S. are single-parent homes, as of 1999. Now, 85% of those are women. Accounting for population rise, and ruling out households with single fathers raising children, we’re looking at an average of around 20%.

So, 854,000 Females, minus 20% leaves us with..
683,200 women, who are single, non-widowed and without children between 20-34 years old.

That’s still over 1/2 a million women, right? But now, take out..

• Mentally handicapped -3% (source)
• Schizophrenic Chicks -1% (source)
• Bi-polar bitches -1% (source)
• Those with over “severe mental disorders” -8% (source)
• Those with severe disabilities -5% (once accounting for the elderly and under 15) (source)
• Those who are overweight -64% (source)
• Those who are models, including “wish I were a” models -5% (rough guess)
• Unemployed rich girls (roughly 2%)

That clears out a good 89% of once-eligible females.
Leaving us with 75,152 still-eligible 20-34 year old women.

Oh, and I don’t like dating women are…

• hardcore drug addicts and alcoholics -4% (a combination of many sources)
• straight-edgers -1% (my own guess)
• vegans and vegatarians -7% (source)
• fans of “boy bands” -10% (see below)

(* I figure if N-Sync was selling 11 Million albums at the peak of their career, but not all fans buy all their albums, and there are 250,000,000 Americans, and half of those are female and about 90% of N-Sync’s fans are female, and I account for age differences and what-not.. to me, 10% sounds about right, no?)

Okay, so now I’ve got 16,533 women to pick from, right? Oh if only it were that simple. You see, I’m also a heavily-pierced, marginally-tattooed, mohawk-wearing, part-time-pornographer with a rich sexual history.

We could narrow it down even further to women who definitely want multiple children, don’t care about marriage anytime soon (like.. before they’re in their early-30s), and don’t mind having their private lives broadcast as a result of being with a media-whore comedian/actor/TV personality/lunatic.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that knocks out about 60% right there.
Leaving me with 6,613 women.
Oh, but you’re also forgetting something else..
Unmarried couples.
Best guess I could find was that there are 11 Million unmarried couples living together in the U.S. (source). That covers roughly 2-3% of the U.S., maybe.
But, then.. what about unmarried couples not living together? Oh, who really knows anymore. I’m gonna guess that 20% of the U.S. is unmarried but not “single”. Why am I guessing that? Because I can. It doesn’t matter – this isn’t scientific shit, just me having fun. So, blow me.

So, let’s just deduct about 20% from our previous total of 6,613 women.
That leaves us now with about 5,290 women.
Still, pretty good odds, eh?
I guess you’re forgetting we started with over 5 MILLION women. And, to be honest, I’ve only begun to get picky about them.

Still, why don’t I see 5,290 women at any of the clubs I go to? I see.. maybe 100. Well, I can’t gather statistics for all the women out there who are into the same shit I’m into. Nor can I factor in facial structure, ghetto booties, nice tits, and a penchant for wild sexual voracity now can I?

In the end, I’m betting those 5,290 women are more like about 2,000 which might be likely to head out to Hollywood on a given weekend. Out of that, maybe 50 of them go to the same clubs I go to. Out of those 50 women, I’m guessing there’s only maybe 20 of them that would still feign an interest in me, and chances are..

I’ve already fucked them.

Diggin' my shit? Well then..