Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

So, I’ve mentioned it once or twice, but I finally did it. Today, I received my 2GB iPod nano. Black, of course. For ye who might want in on a little “secret” – you can pick up a refurbished iPod nano for $99. Shipped free, no less. Here’s the link. If you’re worried about buying refurb’d shit, check out these pics I posted of the unboxing over on Flickr.

Now, when I bought an iPod Shuffle to go jogging it didn’t go so well and I never went back. Today, I have a different tale…

I hooked up the Nike+ kit to the iPod. Set up a playlist. Picked my “power song” (Muse – Hyper Chondriac Music, if you must know). Thought about how I should choose a workout. I realized.. “waitaminute, I don’t know A FUCKING THING about jogging”.

The Nike+iPod solution gives you the choice between a timed run, a distance run, a calorie run, or basically.. you just go jogging and it’ll track your shit for no particular purpose. All I’m trying to do is build up a bit more muscle and burn off some fat. But, what’s safe fat-burning? What’s way overdoing it? What’s way UNDERdoing it? I don’t wanna be mediocre.

So, I set out (online, anyway) to find the answer. Turns out, a dude of my stature should burn about 117 calories per mile. Fair enough. All I remember is cursing the gym teacher in high school that making us non-athletic types jog a mile was a fascist attempt at mind control and assimilation into jock mentality. Probably why he flunked me and I had to repeat P.E. as a senior (yes, it was as embarrassing as it sounds). Anyway, I don’t fuckin’ run miles. I know that much. But… I did stop smoking for a week. And, hell, I’ve only smoked half a pack in the past 2 days, so I’m doing good. Maybe I could manage a half-mile.

I checked up on stretching exercises. Cause I remembered amongst the notes I made to myself about trying to jog a year ago, there was one about “stretch beforehand”. And having the proper equipment. I got the Nike+ shoes, so I’m all set. Adidas slimpants. Tight weird-cloth shirt. It might even be a loose spandex shirt. I have no idea. But it’s “weird” and feels healthy. And lightweight. I was SO fuckin’ prepared.

So, I stretched. I pulled muscles and snapped ‘em back. I moved legs around. I made grunting noises. I even tried talking about “my day at work” while stretching. Just to maximize the yuppie moment. Note to self : yell something about “gonna sue that motherfucker” before the next jog.

I headed out to the street. Then, to the quickmart on the corner. Gotta have water, right? I forgot my keys, though. I figured by the time I returned, I’d catch SOMEONE going into the building.

I walked briskly to the quickmart, and then walked briskly back. Now, it was time to fuckin’ run. OOOMPH!

I ran up the hill in front of my apartment. To the light. Took a left. Ran down the hill on the next block. Ran across the street, back to the exact spot where I started.

I felt good. I didn’t feel like I was gonna die. No little man with the pick-axe came out and tried to chop away at my small intestine. My legs weren’t trying to protest by collapsing on me. Even my lungs were fairly alright. My whole body, in unison said “this is fuckin’ LAME! But… it’s important that we do this. So, we’re gonna give it a try. For you, Mitcz. For YOU!”. My body and I are totally gonna have sex later on. I’m so proud of it.

The Nike+iPod feature is supposed to chime in along w/your workout, to let you know how far you’ve run as you go along. You can also hit the center button and get an update any time you want. All I know is I ran through System of A Down’s “ATWA” and Dead Milkman’s “Punk Rock Girl” and then I was back where I started. In front of the apartment complex.

I stopped. Contemplated going again. Wondered if I was exerting myself too much. I knew I couldn’t have run a mile, cause the little lady’s voice in the iPod would’ve said “you have run 1 mile” or something. I paused the workout. I looked over and saw a car pulling into our parking garage. That was my chance to get home without too much trouble. My body was starting to realize what it had just been through.

I ended the workout. The lady’s voice came through “Workout has ended. You ran Zero Point Four Three Miles and burned Fifty Calories”. So, I ALMOST kicked a half-mile out there. For someone who hasn’t run a half-mile since I was 15, I’m fuckin’ proud.

Here’s the chart, to show you I stayed on a consistent speed almost the whole time. Until the 30-second contemplation period at the end. Where I stood, in pain.

So, maybe this begins my working out madness. Maybe I’ll do this more often. It sure was fun coming home and synching up the iPod and seeing my stats run along on the Nike site. God, it’s so geektastic I could ejaculate. I even set a goal on the site for myself, to run 5 miles in 4 weeks. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but I haven’t run 5 miles in the past 4 YEARS, so that’s big for me. Besides, I guess my profile gets a little “trophy” graphic if I exceed goals I set for myself. And, I’m all about geeky little widget graphics.

To offset the jockness of jogging, I came home and took a lukewarm shower. And did some facial cleansing exfoliation stuff (don’t ask me to get technical, I’m only gay by proxy) and then crawled in here to blog. My legs are fine now. I don’t feel all fucked up. I can do this.

I can do this.

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