Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

No real rhyme or reason here. Just have a couple of things that have been pissing me off lately, and I want to get them off my chest. Prepare for an angry rant, and some commentary.

SPAM!

I get about 500 spam e-mails a day. I’m not shitting you. They’re tricking my spam filters by using images in lieu of text. The images mostly quote stock prices, oddly enough. The few text-only spam e-mails I get sound like this…

You always admire what you really don’t understand.A child miseducated is a child lost.

H*borny HOTM*JOMS Woman S*sucking B*yoy & Gets F*vucked
HO*XTMOMS Blonde On Sofa D*eildo F*fucking For O*prgasm

Genius is essentially creative it bears the stamp of the individual who possesses it.No one has a greater asset for his business than a man’s pride in his work.We are almost always guilty of the hate we encounter.
As long as I can focus on enjoying what I’m doing, having fun, I know I’ll play well.All the world is competent to judge my pictures except those who are of my profession.

That’s an actual e-mail I received not but 20 minutes ago. No link. No reply-to address. Just that. What the FUCK does that mean? How the FUCK is that going to make money for anyone? Moreover, even if there WAS a link somewhere in there – who’s stupid enough to think anything in that e-mail ISN’T spam? As in – why would anyone in their right minds click?

Furthermore, there’s comment spam. OHHH how I hate fucking comment spam. On my blog, I get about 1000 spam comments a month. Seriously. It’s fucking ridiculous. I made ONE joke about Viagra and now they’ve swarmed in on my blog. “Dick pills, eh? Sweet! Let’s get in there!”.

And now, of all things, I’m getting messages on YouTube from spammers. Messages that I know are spam before I even click. Why would anyone on YouTube send a message like “H0t Brazillian girls!”, if not to be a spamming dickhole? Thankfully, those users are deleted within a few hours. But, still… who fucking clicks this shit?

I know, I know, the idea of spam is that if you send out 500,000,000 of them and there’s a 5% click-thru rate, you could make a whopping $80/week. Oh goodie. Seriously, spammers are some of the lowest class of people on the earth. Literally just usurping a wonderful thing (a free-speech virtual world) just to make a few measly bucks for yourself. I have nothing against exploitation – but not at the cost of alienating an entire infrastructure and the millions of people involved within it.

And, I swear to fuckin’ invisible people in the sky – if I see you click on a spam link : I will fucking slice your throat.

Stupid MySpace Bulletins

MySpace reaffirms every fear I have about the decline of civilization, on a daily basis. Self-righteous, incompetent, under-achieving, lazy, boring, megalomaniacal, self-celebrating, delusional hypocritical assclowns run amock on MySpace. Well, everywhere, really. But if the aforementioned group of shitheads were flies – MySpace would be the sticky and oh-so-tempting flypaper.

Look, I know I post a lot of bulletins – and I’m not discounting EVERY bulletin I read, by any means. The following things are acceptable usage of the bulletin system :

– There’s an event coming up that I’m involved with, or I plan to go to, and I want to inform other like-minded individuals about.

- I have a lot of eFriends via the Space and filling out this quick questionnaire will serve as a chance for those of you who don’t know me too well to find out more.

- There’s a cause I support, that I’d like you all to know about

- I have a genuinely useful question to ask the MySpace community about, and this is the quickest way to generate a variety of answers on the subject.

Those all seem pretty standard. I think I’ve probably participated in all of them at one point or another, myself. (Minus the whole thing about a “cause” because I wouldn’t trust the citizens of MySpace to push the button that could save humanity if there was only one choice of button to push).

However, part of that first group of shitheads I talked about that flocked to this place like flies on so much shit, thinks they’re mini-celebrities and they just CAN’T WAIT to tell everyone about the meandering existence in “text thats wr0te lyk dis”.

Furthermore, the entire MySpace population can do without the following :

- “Here’s what happened to me today……”
(if I gave two fucks about your day, I’d READ YOUR FUCKING BLOG. Do you also stand in the middle of Times Square with a megaphone to tell everyone how utterly delicious egg nog is?)

- “Tom is going to delete MySpace unless…….”
(First and foremost – “Tom” doesn’t own MySpace. News Corp. does. Tom hasn’t been involved in MySpace since about 4 months into the project. And, even if he DID have anything to do w/MySpace right now, do you think News Corp would let him flush $580 million and growing down the toilet cause a thick-skulled emo kid didn’t repost a bulletin 10 times? Get a fucking brain, you dolt)

- “Comment my pics!”
(Or to put it another way “Validate my existence, because I’m utterly worthless in my own eyes but shallow pleas typed furiously into keyboards by 14-year-old fuckheaded twits telling me they want to fuck me cause I managed to find the ONE angle I look hot from and I fillled my gallery with those make me feel somewhat complete… for about 5 minutes. When I’ll post another bulletin, asking for more validation”)

MySpace “fame” and the like

Let me make this quick – there are some people in this world who will NEVER be famous. Sorry to break it you, shitstick. Famous people are (sometimes) interesting. They’ve got something to say. There’s a reason people want to hear from them. Just because you clicked the “add friend” button 1000 times more than the next guy doesn’t make you “interesting”. It doesn’t enhance or reflect your personality. If you’re a boring fuck with 20,000 friends – you’re still a boring fuck. You’ve just managed to trick people with flashy imagery. The equivalent of keeping the attention of a 2-year-old by jingling your car keys. That’s not impressive, that’s sad.

In this wired world where any two-bit hack can post a YouTube video of themselves juggling knives or hitting their friend in the balls, people let comment posts and profile views go to their head as if they fucking mean something. Look around at the MySpace whores – and tell me ONE thing they’ve done that means a reaming fuck to anyone NOT related to MySpace.

Go ahead. I’ll wait.

G-Homey Gangster Shit

Here’s another quick one – being “down with the homies” and being a gangbanger has never, ever, in the history of time been a “cool” thing. Yup. That’s right – NEVER!

All that gangbangin’ bullshit stems from the desire to be like the Mafia. I won’t delve into any details of my personal or family life, but I know about the intricacies of that industry in a way that’s not always covered on TV and I can tell you that gangbangin’ is to The Mafia what McDonald’s is to a 5-star restaurant. The Mafia has deep, integral ties into everything. They had respect for those who deserved it. They had their hands in everything because they greased the right palms and kept cool w/the right people and had intelligent, mastermind motherfuckers on their side that knew how to talk to the right people and get things done. Many times, they worked alongside government agencies to handle the dirty work no one else could be bothered with, and they were compensated for it. Almost every successful modern-day business owes some aspect of its operation to the Mob.

Credit Cards? That’s based on credit. What is “credit” but someone in a respectable position saying “yeah, I vouch for this person”. Watch any mob film in the history of mob films – vouching is the highest honor one can receive and if you fuck up someone vouching for you, then you’re fuckin’ dead.

Business Loans w/percentages and collateral? “Hello, mafia? I’d like $20,000 to start a business. If I can’t pay it off – you take my kneecaps”. These days, they take your house. See the connection?

I could go on and on. The point is – gangbangers had NONE of that shit. Even the rappers who rap about all the hard life in gangs are WARNING against it. There’s a reason they’re driving giant cars and living their lives to the fullest – they’re sick of being poor and having to gangbang for a living. If it was all the shit, they wouldn’t ever want to get out of it. Gangbanging is/was a way for disaffected youth in the ghetto slums to GET BY. It’s not something they do to be “cool”, it’s how they survive. It’s how they find a way to get what they need to get by and hopefully get the fuck out of their one day.

So, to all you well-fed, well-educated little white boys and hoochie-wannabe girls who think it’s all the shit “throw signs” and use rap slang like you’re from the streets – knock it the fuck off or go hang out in some REAL ghettos for a few years and see how “cute” they think your “bling bling” is. Ditto for you fuckin’ grill-wearing motherfuckers.

Intelligent Design

I don’t wanna get into this any more than I have to, but it boils down to a few very simple things :

1. If your God can’t be disproved, tested against, theorized, changed, or otherwise debunked – it’s not science. Science can and always has followed those rules.

2. Just because religion is infallible to the extent that any flaw makes the whole castle crumble doesn’t mean science is that way. Congrats if you found a flaw in some aspect of Darwin’s laws on evolution, but that doesn’t mean the whole method is flawed – just that one aspect.

3. If you’re going to deconstruct ANYTHING, and then put something else in the place of what you consider “inferior”, then you better be able to answer for EVERY similar aspect of that replacement. When you’ve got a way to explain the grossly out-moded scientific observations of the bible ((the sun revolving around the earth, and that the moon is a “secondary sun” are a good start) then maybe we can talk.

Seriousness

Life is too short to sit around being a whiny emo fuck, worrying about the injustices of cattle, and writing shitty poetry to a whiny audience of desperately-profound amateurs.

You know that old saying “one day, we’ll all look back on this and laugh”?

Yeah, that’s always true. Always. I don’t care what it is – there’s humor to be found in it. So, for every “really serious” situation you think you’re in, there’s an asshole in the corner who can’t WAIT to tell a joke about it. If you’re not laughing – you’re out of the loop.

I dunno about you, but I hating being left out of a good joke. Don’t drag me into your serious shit, either. I don’t give a fuck. Seriously, I don’t. You can whine all day and I’ll just sit here and go “man….. this is gonna make a GREAT blog entry when I tear this guy a new asshole for all that whining he’s doing”.

People Without Jobs, Who Want My Pity

While I’m not talking about homeless people here, this is a good time to offer you all a little help. You know when a homeless person gives you the sobby song and dance about how they just need another dollar and it’ll change their life, and you feel all bad and stuff and you have no good reason not to give them money? Here’s my answer to that…

“No matter how much deep shit you’re in, or how much you’re suffering – that doesn’t put a single extra penny in my pocket, make my workday any shorter, or make my work any easier to accomplish”

Sounds harsh – but it’s the truth. But I digress..

What I’m talking about are these camwhores, alt-porn girls, lame go-nowhere musicians, and the like. You see this shit a lot in MySpace bulletins – “I need money for…..” or “I’m in college, and i’m starving, so……” or “Who wants to buy me dinner, cause….”

Look – my mother moved to Colorado when I was 18 and I had about 3 months to find a job, find an apartment, find roommates, and buy a car. I had a shitty late-teens to my early-20s. I’m not trying to get anyone’s pity, but my point is I survived it and I’m making damn good money now. Not cause I “got lucky”, but because I worked my fucking ass off day and night and made a good life for myself because I hated my situation.

It’s not my fault you chose college over self-education.

It’s not my fault you chose posing nude for some website over getting a job.

It’s not my fault you decided that getting all those tattoos and piercings that keep you from getting a real job was more important for your social life than having money in the bank to support the lifestyle you want other people to pay for.

And, furthermore, it’s not my fault that you chose to NOT get a job so you could cut the big demo with your shitty band, or so you could wait around for the callback on that big movie role you’ll never get.

Not everyone gets to choose every path in life – it’s all half-chance. And I accept that. But, why should the people who have worked to overcome those obstacles in their lives be asked to give it up for lazy, incompetent leeches?

Look, I’m jus’ sayin is all…….

Diggin' my shit? Well then..