Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

About 10 years ago, I remember walking across a wide-but-sparse street in Phoenix. A car was coming towards me quite speedily (as they tend to do on empty streets in Phoenix) and the driver slammed the breaks – way more exaggerated than was required – and I waved and ran my remaining distance across the street.

Unrelated to that, about a block ahead, I saw two cars smash into each other at an intersection. It wasn’t a serious accident, they were going maybe 10 MPH – it was at a stop sign after all. Now, my immediate thought was “had I not run in front of asshole-in-a-BMW, he might’ve been the car that crashed into the other car. I totally saved him thousands of dollars in repair”.

Sure, the logic is fuzzy at best, but it’s since had me marginally obsessed with direct and indirect causation. Almost everything we do affects another human being either directly or indirectly. If I decide to litter a banana peel on a sidewalk, I might break a bum’s leg 6 hours later. You never know.

Last night, Nad and I went to the Ralph’s (grocery store) after the show. While standing in line, looking around for Nad – who should come up behind me but Colin Farrell.

Ralph’s has these badass rotisserie chicken things there. Pre-cooked, pre-seasoned, and only like $6. I often buy them and then make a salad. So I can feel healthy. Last night, there were but two of them left. A garlic-and-paisley chicken and some french thing or other (Le Du Pollo or whatever). It wasn’t lookin’ so good. And, it’d been there all day, the timestamp would indicate. So I grabbed the Garlic and Paisley one.

Colin Farrell, it would turn out, ended up grabbing the Le Du Pollo thing. I know cause after I grabbed my chicken after paying for it, I turned to grab my other bag (vodka and a bag of salad) to find another chicken in a plastic grocery bag and I almost grabbed it, then I realized I already had mine. I said “oh, wait, this is yours right?” and Colin said “ohh.. yeah. That’s me” and I went “nevermind, thought I had it mixed up” and he said “it’s cool, man”.

As I left the grocery store, I thought about that other chicken. And how maybe…. just maybe, it having been sitting under the hot lights for like 12 hours might have caused bad juju for the chicken. Well, more for the eater of the chicken.

I further hypothesized that, if Colin was smack-dab in the middle of making some huge blockbuster movie and that chicken made him sick, it would push filming back a few days. What if, in those few days, it costs the studio more than they’d originally budgeted and the movie gets canned? Or an extra scene gets cut? What if the extra scene was to be Colin Farrell’s finest moment on screen. And now he’ll never be seen donig that. And everyone still thinks he’s a hack. And he dwindles into obscurity.

Imagine that. His whole life, changed forever, cause I grabbed the good chicken.

Sorry, Colin.

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