Another “OMGCELLPHONES!! RADIATION!!” alert has been making the rounds lately, this time saying that there’s a strong link between a mother’s usage of cellphones while pregnant and/or children using them up to the age of 7, and that of behavior problems.
The study can be found here.
To quote the results (I highlighted some key words) :
They found that mothers who did use the handsets were 54 per cent more likely to have children with behavioural problems and that the likelihood increased with the amount of potential exposure to the radiation. And when the children also later used the phones they were, overall, 80 per cent more likely to suffer from difficulties with behaviour. They were 25 per cent more at risk from emotional problems, 34 per cent more likely to suffer from difficulties relating to their peers, 35 per cent more likely to be hyperactive, and 49 per cent more prone to problems with conduct.
I call shenanigans on this study. It reminds me of the oft-quoted “Cigarettes are more addictive than heroin”, which itself was taken from a study that concluded cigarettes can be harder to quit than heroin. That study, too, I’m betting was misunderstood.
For instance – let’s say you’re a heroin junkie. You’re now trying to kick the habit. Chances are pretty fuckin’ likely that the reason you’ve decided to finally kick the habit is because someone (probably quite a few people close to you) have sat you down and said “dude – knock this shit off”. If you’re so strung out on heroin that people take notice and sit you down, you’ve got problems. Maybe you’ve moved on to shooting up in between your toes. Or your eyes. Or your butthole. (ouch). That’s a pretty easy problem to assess and say “yeah, I’ve got a problem”.
But what about cigarettes? I smoke about 2 packs a day right now. It’s pretty bad, and I know it. I’ve got a plan for quitting soon, but here’s the thing – NO ONE has ever sat me down and said “Mitcz, we think you have a smoking problem”. Never. Not once. My mom has said “I wish you’d quit smoking” and I’ve had friends suggest that I try cutting back, sure, but no one in the history of humankind has ever been told by their employer “you’ve smoked too many cigarettes today. you can barely function. Go home and get yourself cleaned up!”.
So, because cigarettes are sort of a passive addiction (as in, they don’t immediately fuck up your life, or prevent you from carrying on basic duties), people don’t take them as seriously. Therefore, it stands to reason that it WOULD be harder to kick them than heroin simply based on that fact alone.
But I digress. Let’s look at the cellphone behavior problems :
EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS
Alas, there’s no specifics on the emotional problems in question. Children tend to have a variety of emotional problems anyway – and with good reason. The whole world is hero-worshipping and foisting their hopes and dreams on little people who just want a lollipop and some time on the playground. If mom’s always on the cellphone, that kid’s gonna feel neglected pretty quick. If the kid has friends with cellphones, they’re going to notice that, for instance, their friend is getting more calls than they do. Plans can be interrupted by a phonecall, and suddenly a kid doesn’t have their play-buddy, cause they just ran off after getting a call that something more fun is happening a few blocks away.
DIFFICULTIES RELATING TO THEIR PEERS
Hello. Welcome to the childhood of everyone who’s ever lived. Mix this w/the aforementioned “plans made instantly, based on a phonecall” and it’s pretty well summed up.
HYPERACTIVITY
We live in an instant world. When I was a kid, and I wanted to call someone, I had to go home and wait for my sister to stop yacking to her friends. If I was lucky, I might be able to find a working payphone and drop in a quarter for a few minutes of quick-talk. If a friend was coming over, all I could do was sit and wait for them to show up. I couldn’t call to see “how soon will you be here?”, I just had to chill out. Now, of course, you can just call them every 30 seconds and say “are you there yet?”. The mass availability of an internet connection enables everyone to be armchair doctors and armchair lawyers and wildly popular (in their own deluded brain) throughout massive social networks. Between instant gratification, instant worldwide communication, and instant on-the-spot news reporting, is ANYONE surprised that kids are becoming more hyperactive? Shit, they need to be hyperactive just to fuckin’ keep up with all this neurotic madness.
PROBLEMS WITH CONDUCT
I blame psychiatry for this one. I’m not pulling for the side of scientology, saying that psychiatry is bullshit – because I really do think it has a time and place. But, I think people run for help a little more often than they should these days. And with that comes the uber-informed parent. The one who googles all the hip shit about their little wonderchild, and doesn’t agree with “first place” trophies in sports cause everyone should win. If every kid is raised to think they always win, no matter what, they also grow up without consequence, without a sense of self-policing. Is it any wonder that these children might also have issues with anyone telling them they’re not doing something perfectly all the time?
But, of course, people will continue to say the radiation in cellphones is turning us all into mutants and there’s just no way that the radical paradigm shifts that have happened in such a short, short period of time could possibly have their own negative consequences as a result.
Your thoughts?
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