Yesterday, I went to work as an extra for season 5 of Entourage. I won’t reveal the plot details, cause I don’t wanna ruin it for you guys – but for the purposes of this story, I’ll say it’s about the lead character “Vince” making some new big-budget flick. Okay then, on with the story…
The Piercings
Many of you know that I have multiple facial piercings, and usually rock a bright-ass red mohawk. What you may or may not realize is that, as of about 2 months ago, I removed one of my favorite piercings – the vertical bridge. Yeah, the giant spike that stuck out of my forehead. That shit was just too difficult to get work with. Casting Directors see that and go “uhhh… no”. Unless I want to be typecast as “crazy pierced freak #3″, which is less common than you might think. In fact, it’s never happened.
Thankfully, friends of mine that I’ve made indie flicks with have had no problems with it, so I was able to keep all my shit in tact when I made “Breeds” and I’ll be able to keep them in again for my part in LAN Party Massacre later this year.
At any rate – I took out the vertical bridge, and I cover the scar with makeup most of the time. As you saw in my headshots, if you looked at those.
The other problem was my ears. I wear 00ga plugs in those fuckers and even in my headshots, it’s pretty obvious that I have gaping holes in my ears. Apparently if I took them out permanently, the holes would shrink to a manageable size over time. I don’t have that kind of patience. So, I went to an FX makeup friend of mine and said “help a brotha out” and she showed me this neat gelatin shit she’s been using that covers them up pretty well. Here’s a test, without any extra powder/maekup added to blend it in..
Almost looks like they’ve never been pierced, doesn’t it?
That friend, Blake, is in my “hall of heroes” not only for that, but because she gave me a life-size statue of the Cheshire Cat from “Alice” – just like the one I have tat’d on my arm. So, she rules. I’d link her profile, but I don’t think she wants her profile whored out to random people. Anyway – Blake, I owe you MAJOR kudos, and major favors. I only hope I can re-pay her someday.
The Dilemma
In my earliest stand-up routines, I said that the primary reason I got all pierced up wasn’t because I wanted more attention – that’s pretty easy to get, if one’s really determined. But, because I wanted freak-ass women who liked the kinky shit to notice I was one of their own. That I could tie them up and choke them and ride ‘em nice and rough. Prep-ass douchebags might have a few tricks up their sleeve, but c’mon, they’re not dedicated enough to the cause to really get it done.
Alas, I’m almost 30 and I’m realizing that getting kink-ass bitches has to come second to.. GETTING WORK. *sigh*
So, I’m having to re-evaluate how often I wear the shit, and then use special gels and shit to cover it up enough to appeal to casting directors. I’m not even rocking the mohawk anymore, as you’ll notice.
I’m sure some will yell “sell out!” but, hey, I got kids.. err… ME to feed. So, fuck you.
Prep and Moving On
The gig for Entourage required I be a “clean-cut” bartender. They even made me shave my goatee. So, after donning JEANS (ew!) and a POLO SHIRT (double ew!), I went ahead and made my gelatin mix to cover my ears. I also picked up some coloring powder so I could blend the gelatin into my ear and make it look “normal”. I was surprised how well that worked.
So, this is what I’d look like if I looked like everyone else..
God that photo scares the shit out of me. But, I was ready. And I’m completely devoid of “freak”. *sniffles*
Getting There
I had to drive out to Disney’s Oak Valley Ranch. Did you even know Disney OWNED a fucking ranch? In the middle of nowhere? Surrounded by trees and creepy-ass cabins? Yeah, me either. Fuckin’ scary. But, that’s Disney for ya.
Google said it would take 30 mins, but up to 1.5 hours in traffic. I gave myself 2 hours. It took me about 1 hour and 55 minutes. I was so close. Thankfully, no one cared and now I was sat in the “extras tent” where we sit around for 3 hours watching our dicks shrivel.
It’s always been funny to me that, as obsessed as these directors get with timing and punctuality, every time I’ve ever made a movie, it’s between 2 and 6 hours from the time I get on set until I actually have to be on camera. For that Rob Schneider flick I made almost 2 years ago, I think I waited around for almost 5 hours before I got shuffled in for what amounted to about 1.6 seconds on-screen. Hooray, fuckers. This is Hollywood.
Quick Rant About Background Work
The pamphlet I was given from the casting company made the pay sound a lot better than it is. Suffice it to say – they’re paying minimum wage. I couldn’t help but think of some fat-cat cigar-smoking asshole saying this, once I realize what all this “background acting” shit was about..
(enter fat-cat)
“Hey kid! You wanna be in movies, eh? I’ll put you in some fawkin’ movies! Oh yeah. Come and be a part of a movie. I’ll pay you eight bucks an hour. Yeah, you could make more by slingin’ burgers in a shit-house, but HEY – YOU’RE IN FAWKIN’ MOVIES, eh kid? Stand over there. Stand there for hours. You sit – you’re FAWKIN’ FIRED! Unless your measly background part requires sittin’. Now, don’t talk to anyone. Don’t even THINK about fraternizing with the talent or YOU’RE FAWKIN’ FIRED. Maybe you could buy the DVD and skip through frame by frame to show your little jerk-off friends the 3 frames that show your blurry arm 20 feet out of focus – but hey! YOU’RE MAKIN’ FAWKIN’ MOVIES, eh kid? Yeah, stand there and shut the fuck up.”
That Having Been Said…
This was a good gig. Seriously. Even the catering was good. The actors were all cool, they didn’t mind you talking to them, and oddly enough – the 4 main guys in Entourage interact with each other IDENTICALLY to how they do on the show. Everyone makes fun of the “Drama” character, for real. And he does try to play himself up a bit to them, and everyone else around. Not that I think he’s a douchebag – he’s a nice guy – it’s just funny.
I was lucky to have played a bartender – kinda. I would’ve been a featured bartender, but they ran out of red polo shirts that didn’t have the “polo” logo on them (god forbid they tell me to WEAR a red polo, I went out and bought that brown-grey one just for this gig) and so they had me wearing an apron to cover the logo. This made me into a half-bartender, half-waiter.
So, if I’m lucky, you’ll see me delivering drinks throughout the background for pretty much the entire scene I was in. I might be a bit of an asshole for this, but I made sure I was in just about every shot they did. No one seemed to mind – I was just following the directions of “pretend you’re sending drinks over there” and “there” happened to be right in the direct line of sight of the camera every time.
Now, will this matter in the future to casting directors? I fuckin’ hardly doubt it. My acting talent(s), however shaky they may be, aren’t really displayed by slingin’ drinks for other extras.
What’s the funny thing about it, however, is that because we were filming a scene about a movie being made on a show where actors play actors – the extras were playing extras. They even brought in extras to play parts as a film crew. I asked “why not just use the ACTUAL grips to play the part of ‘grips’ for this scene”, they said “because the actual grips were gripping for the fake grips that we called in for extras to play”.
Talk about a surreal world. I was an extra playing a bartender/waiter delivering drinks to extras playing extras on a show about actors, played by actors, filming a fake movie as part of a show about actors struggling to make money making movies.
And, I think I’m done with this background shit for awhile. It was fun and all, but I can’t justify sitting around for 8 hours at a time to get 0.3 seconds as “jackass delivering beer to extras playing extras” at eight bucks an hour.
However, this agency DOES cast for “Scrubs” and I’ve heard plenty of fascinating stories about their extras getting cast as permanent roles – so I’ll keep my ears open for that kinda shit.
Thanx for reading.
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