(this is the first part of a series of posts I plan to do about the interesting nuggets of wisdom I receive in my Truth Box)
A few months ago, I installed the “Truth Box” app on my MySpace page, just to see what happened. For the most part, I get a horde of misspelled proclamations of lust and sexual desires. While flattering – I have a girlfriend (Misi) whom I love very much, so I’m afraid your desire to “suk” my “cokk” will go unrequited. About 1 out of 30 “truths” is a horribly misspelled and grammatically incorrect proclamation that I’m “a fag”, “a homo”, or most recently “a skinhead”.
Today, I’d like to focus on perhaps the most idiotic hate-filled message I’ve ever seen posted to my Truth Box.
Hey skinhead wannabe faggot
black power mutha fucker
racist im going to kill ur family homo
just cause i hate fags like urself
At first glance, I’m mostly just amused that it’s written in a 4-line stanza. Like an ignorant, hate-filled, grammatically incoherent, misspelled poem written just for me. *sniffles* I’m so touched. As a piece of modern poetry, it’s only fair that I review the work line-by-line.
Hey skinhead wannabe faggot
Skinhead wannabe? As in… I want to be a skinhead, but I’m not? If you mean “skinhead” in the sense that (in my most recent profile photo) I have no hair – sure, I guess I’m a skinhead. Did I want to have no hair for that picture? Yes. But, I achieved that wholly improbable milestone, cause I’m amazing. And I have a pair of clippers. Now, if you mean “skinhead” in the sense that I’m a Neo-Nazi, then you’re very much wrong. Moreover, Neo-Nazis share your hatred of homosexuals, so wouldn’t I, too, also hate “faggots” and therefore couldn’t actually be one? Your logic is dizzying.
black power mutha fucker
Ohh… now I’m black power? As a white guy? This term “black power” – I do not think it means what you think it means. And, yes, I’ve fucked a few mothers in my time. Little tip for the undersexed males out there : find yourself a chick w/a kid. She’ll rock your world. She’s too busy with raising kids to fuck around with power games or teasing foreplay. They’ll just whip it out and grind away on you with the voracity of, say, a hungry leopard in the winter. It’s quite nice.
racist im going to kill ur family homo
This part is especially confusing. With no punctuation, hyphens, or proper spelling, I’m at an impasse. Am I a “racist ‘im going to kill your family’ homo”? That would imply that I was not only partial to members of my own gender, but that I spout rhetoric at near-constant intervals that exhibit veiled threats on people’s families. To my knowledge, I’ve never made a public statement about killing anyone’s family. So, it’s certainly not a phrase I would say regularly enough to have it tacked-on to my personality as though it were a nickname (example “Hi, I’m Sarah worthless-shitbag-cunt Palin!”).
But perhaps this anonymous tipster is making threats to me and MY family. If that’s the case, I can see why they did so anonymously, as that’s a pretty serious legal infraction. On a logistical note, I hope you’ve saved up your frequent flyer miles as you travel to Colorado (for my step-family, since you missed taking out my mother almost 2 months ago), Northern California, Southern California, Texas, Louisiana, New York and Mississippi. If you managed to make it out to Texas or Mississippi to take out my family, I weep for you. Though you’d likely die of boredom in either place, the family I have in those two places would snap your neck like a twig. And they’re all gun nuts. One of them has no fewer than 2 shotguns in every closet in the home. So, hey! Good luck, buddy!
I’d also like to take issue with being called a racist, a skinhead, and a “black power mutha fucker”. If I were racist against blacks, I couldn’t be “black power”. If I were racist against whites, I’d not only have already offed my own family, but I wouldn’t very well be able to hold a neo-nazi skinhead position. Oh, and if you’re going to drop “er” in favor of “a” in “mutha”, you should follow through with “fucka”. Mixing and matching your slang is just sloppy and shows a lack of effort on your part. Something I feel I deserve, because clearly I’m a shapeshifting god, playing all sides, in your eyes.
just cause i hate fags like urself
And now we bring it all back again. I’m a “fag”. I’m not sure how one assumes the role of “urself”, but maybe your Y and O keys decided to act up while you were typing that. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us when we’re jerking off to images of prepubescent boys wearing American Flags as cock-socks while being anally violated by their fathers and uncles. And by “the best of us”, I really just mean moronic fuckheads like yourself. *phew* good thing my Y and O keys were still working there. Oh, that’s right.. cause I don’t jerk off to little boys. My bad.
In closing, I’d like to thank you for composing a love-poem to me. You must be enamored with my awesomeness. It’s okay. It happens. Just.. ya know, try not to tell your billy boys that you compose anonymous love letters to another man. They might go fag-bashing on you. And that’s just not nice.
Until next time… speak the truth, people!
UPDATE :
A friend of mine suggested that perhaps this person was spouting “black power, motha fucka”, instead of claiming I was black power. I had assumed they were calling me black power, because of a recent performance where I lambasted scared white people, and expressed my disdain for neo-nazis and the KKK. If I’m being called racist against black people – I suggest a second look at the performance I just linked. I think that’ll clear up the confusion.
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