As these things go, my life is about to change pretty drastically. I’m Single. Moving out to live on my own (for the first time in my life). Doing full-time freelance design work. Getting my comedy life worked out to perform as often as I can manage. Reconnecting with the Mitcz I’ve ignored for too long, for reasons I still smack myself for justifying.
I “tweet” a pretty fair amount these days. It’s nice to have a place to just post a random sentence, so if you’re into that sorta thing you can find me @twitter.com/revmitcz.
There’s a funny thing about trying to get out one’s woes, annoyances, stresses and aggressions on a stage when doing comedy. While I used to write lyrics that “cleverly implied” any number of circumstances, and moved on to writing poems (that only I will probably ever read, cause I’d feel douchey posting them), I’ve found ways in the past few years to “hide” my feelings inside of jokes.
Sure, some comics come right out and yell “here’s what’s pissing me off!” – but I tend to find that a bit too personal and too jarring. An established comic.. they might be able to let it slide. They’ve already got my attention. But a local comic trying out his latest “fuck these people” rant? Not so much. It feels too angry. Too personal. Too.. sad. So, I like to phrase things in a way that feels a little more comfortable. Almost to the point that I’m not even talking about myself personally – but just a human condition in general. That’s the idea, though. Give ‘em just enough to relate to it, laugh about it, and move on.
When my mother died last September, I was onstage the next night. The week I returned from her memorial service, I performed again. I even told jokes about it. Not “hah! my mom is dead!” but I was so tired of telling people about what happened and getting blank faces. People don’t know how to respond. And, that’s more uncomfortable to me than telling news about my life. Yeah, my mom died. It was horrible and depressing and I’m still fucked up about it. But.. that’s NOT your problem. You don’t need to feel bad. You didn’t give her cancer. Don’t walk on eggshells around me – I’ll deal. It’s life. We move on. That’s how it works. So, while my jokes that night might not have been obvious – that was the underlying point. Life goes on, not in spite of loved ones dying, but because of it.
(you can catch that bit at around 3:15 in the following video)
Rev. Mitcz Live @ Aura Nightclub (Sept 27th) from Mitcz Marzoni on Vimeo.
I’ve done long rants about women I was dating at the time – sometimes meant as a compliment, other times as a warning. Though I’ve yet to have one pick up on not-so-subtle clues dropped in those bits, it always feels good to let loose what I’m thinking in a way that makes people laugh and secretly understand without having to make anyone wildly uncomfortable. Even those who’ve yelled at me about the bits themselves (and at least figuring out I’m talking about them in particular) somehow never picked up on the actual meaning, and that’s dually depressing and amusing at the same time.
I don’t need to hold back anymore for the sake of anyone in particular, but I still doubt I’ll actually just come out and say exactly what I’m thinking. I’ll find a way to hide it, but still get the point across. Will anyone see the demon hiding behind the smile? I don’t know, and I don’t even particularly care. We’re all fucked up people, and we all have fucked up thoughts. How we choose to either secretly or openly get them out, however, is what makes us individuals.
My point in all of this? Everyone’s hiding something just beneath the surface. Some people let it out, and some just run away lying to themselves about who’s to blame. Find a way to get it out, or doom yourself to the same mistakes ad nauseum while you lose everyone you love.
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