I had this brief thought about a week ago, which one day I’ll work into a larger stand-up bit when I figure out which other blasphemous jokes I’ve written will work alongside it. It’s regarding the Bible. Conveniently, @joerogandotnet went off on one of his classic science and evolution rants in a series of tweets, and it reminded me that I should write this down somewhere for future reference. Then, I saw a post on BlueBlood about Blasphemy Day. Looks like fun! So, here we go..
Why I Consider The Bible A Work of Fiction
Consider this important fact : there isn’t a single fact mentioned in The Bible which, at the time of its publishing, was unknown to science and has since been proven true. Not a single fucking thing. Read that sentence again if you must, and really let it sink in. If the creator of all life on earth and the universe itself was speaking directly to humans, inspiring them to write a book about it all, don’t you find it odd that “he” didn’t give a single iota of new scientific knowledge?
Funnier still, however, is that what little “science” you’d find in the bible was either well-known at the time or horribly fucking wrong. One quick example – a few years ago, Bill Nye (yes, THAT Bill Nye) was giving a speech at a college in Texas and quoted this passage in The Bible..
“God made two great lights – the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”
- Genesis 1:16
His scientific reaction, as you might imagine, wasn’t very supportive…
He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.
One article I read about it got passed around for a time, when it was brought to light that “some members” (no indication is given as to how many “some” is here, but let’s hope it’s a very small number) were upset by his remark and left the room. One woman even shouted “We believe in God!”.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again : you can believe anything you want. But beliefs do not make it fact. I can believe I have a 14-inch cock. Hell, I might even be able to convince some people that it’s true through the power of an impassioned speech. Let’s say I even convinced a room full of people that my cock would’ve made John Holmes feel inadequate. But ya know.. dropping my pants would reveal the sad truth of the matter, and my newfound followers would bow their heads and give me a shameful “tsk, tsk, tsk”. This wouldn’t be an altogether uncommon reaction when my pants come off, but I digress.
The point I’m making is very simple – The Bible contributed exactly zero to science. Ever. And it never, ever will.
Want To Fight About It?
I really have zero desire to get into a lengthy religious debate. I gave that shit up in my early 20s, at latest. You keep on believing whatever helps you to sleep at night. Fine by me. If it gives you a moral standing and helps you to be a good person – hey, more power to ya. I’m not here to piss in your Cheerios, man.
If you just have to say something cause, “golly garsh, man.. that Mitcz fucker really chapped my hide by talking smack about The Bible”, well.. go right ahead. Just don’t expect me to give a shit.
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