I was at The Spotlight the other night, had just gotten offstage, and was enjoying the rest of the night. And I genuinely enjoyed it – I had 4 friends up there that night. And they all killed it. I was happy. It also helps that I felt good about my act (especially having just returned from an awkward comedy performance in Phoenix) and that before the show, a hot waitress there told me “I think you’re hilarious”.
In front of me was a particularly loud (probably drunk) guy. No one minds a loud laugh – so that’s not what I’m saying. He was a loud talker. Not talking to the comics, per se, mostly just talking to his friends. VERY LOUDLY. That’s rude. But, he never got so out of hand that anyone felt like saying anything, myself included. He was pretty well-behaved for the most part. I was just thinking “I hope he understands he’s very loud when he talks to his friends” – however intermittent those talks may have been.
So, the hot waitress (I’m calling her that to protect her identity, damnit) swings by my table and asks if I need anything else. I told her she’d already made my night w/the remark from earlier and she smiled and walked off. A few minutes later, she was standing near my table and noticed I finished my drink, asking if I wanted another one. I said “no, but there is something you could do for me — punch this guy in the back of the head”.
Understand : I said this jokingly. She understood that. She laughed about it. But, then.. she walked up to him. I saw her talking to him, and then he turned around to look at me, and I saw them both point at me, and she said “yeah, Mitcz” and he said “That’s Mitcz? He said he wants to punch me in the head?”
Oops.
You see, she thought he was a friend of mine. And that I was joking with him through her. It’s a reasonable assumption. If he was a friend of mine, I’d probably have said the same thing, save for one important difference : I would’ve said “hey, tell that guy that Mitcz said…” but in leaving that out, I hadn’t realized she would take it upon herself to tell him anyway.
So, he walks up …
Guy : You wanna donkey-punch me?
Me : Donkey-punch you? No, sir
Guy : The waitress says you wanted to donkey-punch me in the back of the head
Me : Ohhh… yeah. Yeah. I told her to punch you in the back of the head, cause you’re being too loud
Guy : I’m being loud?
Me : Yeah.. like, when you talk. It’s okay. Just go sit and enjoy the show and try to keep your voice down
Guy : (grabs my chin, like in the mob movies) “Ahh…. THIS guy! HA! You were fuckin’ funny tonight, man”
Me : Well, thank you. I hope you enjoy the show.
Guy : Of course!
Later, I had to explain to the waitress her little faux pas. She was embarrassed and apologetic. I said it was fine, as the guy clearly didn’t know he was being loud and didn’t seem altogether offended by it. Thankfully, she didn’t pick a loud, wanna-fight-everything asshole to tell that to.
Oh, and I got her number out of the deal. A winner = me.
I really should call her soon…
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