Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

I’ve updated this entry with more info & news, which is at the bottom of this post

Yesterday (March 6th, 2010 for those reading this later), I went with my friend Justin Dabuet to try out for Last Comic Standing (season 7) here in sunny Hollywood, CA. It was an insane, grueling 15+ hour affair. Friends of mine asked me “did you audition? how did it go?” and my answer has just been “wait for my blog post about it”. Sorry to make you read all this shit (I’m organizing it by topic and keeping it as brief as possible), but you can skip to the answer to that question written below.

(if you have ADD and need a quick visual tour, here’s a video…)

The Setup

Justin came over around 1:45am (saturday morning). His plan was to meet up with another comedian named Jordan around 3am. So, he hung out and played Wii while I finished up some work, shaved, showered, and got ready.

We headed out to Melrose & Kilkea (the corner where you’ll find the world-famous Hollywood Improv) and arrived at around 3am, with our soda, red bull and cigarettes. I’ve never stood in a line for more than maybe an hour, so the prospect of spending at least 7+ hours in a line was a bit daunting. Surprisingly, however, I was rarely bored.

Good Morning

As the sun rose around 5am, I could see the lay of the land better than before. The tents I’d seen and walked past earlier in the day looked even more abundant than what I’d first seen. I wasn’t yet tired, but it was a strange experience to be standing on a familiar Melrose street at five in the morning with a line of comics (a lot of them which I’ve performed with), all hoping for the same thing : a chance at 2 minutes in front of a panel of judges that with one word can literally change your entire career.

Tents Removed

At around 9am, the camera crews for LCS came around and asked us to line up properly, take down the tents, and make a lot of noise for the cameras that would walk the line and gauge the excitement in the air. We complied, because we are (almost by definition) camera whores — I have no shame in admitting I’m definitely a camera whore. Occasionally, the crew would stop to focus on one of the comedians for a moment, have a little interview, and move on. While I was hoping they might randomly pick me, it appeared they picked people who went out of their way to bug the camera people. So, I wasn’t interviewed (that time around..)

Getting Closer

At around 10am, we were at least in the adjacent parking lot from The Improv. I needed to use the bathroom, but since the port-o-johns were out of order (hardly surprising with two johns, one of which was half-broken to begin with, for the 350+ people in line), they had me walk into the sideroom of The Improv. That’s where things got a little suspicious..

Freaks & …. more freaks

When I walked past the line of people who were prepped for actual time in front of actual judges, I noticed something : I’d seen exactly none of them in line up to that point. I’m not suggesting I looked at every single person who ever stood in line, but I saw 2 drag queens, a guy in a skin tight devil costume, a guy in a purple suit, another guy with balloons made into the shape of vegetables and (my personal fave) Alien Warrior Comedian. I’m actually a fan of AWC – I told him as much, and shook his hand, saying it was nice to finally meet the Gwar of Comics. He was surprised I knew who he was, but I told him I keep my ear to the ground for things like that. Honestly, his comedy is more than schtick so I dig what he’s doing. But the rest of the people mentioned? Fuckin’ hacks.

A Word on Shticks and Hacks

It’s pretty basic : audiences will put up with hack-comics for a time, cause it’s an easy laugh. But hack rarely lasts. Moreover, schtick crap like dressing up and putting on some cliché persona almost never works. But, hey, it’ll work for 30 seconds in a blurb on Last Comic Standing (or American Idol, for that matter) because viewers love to laugh at the dumb fuck. Do you really want to relegate your whole career to being that dumbfuck everyone laughed at and quickly forgot? Hey.. go for it. (again, none of this applies to AWC but he’s another topic for another time)

The Plot Thickens

One thing that sucked greatly was the weather. It rained several times throughout the day, and while I was able to shield myself with my hoodie, I ended up freezing cold and dripping wet. On top of being really tired, and hungry. By the time Justin and I left, we felt like we just went into battle.

Enter Craig Robinson

This year’s LCS host is Craig Robinson, who you might not think you know but I just about guarantee you do. Here’s a photo of him (with a half-asleep Mitcz, after 10 hours of waiting in line…)

He walked the line, cameras in-tow, building up the crowd and reading cue cards welcoming TV audiences to LCS season 7. He was a cool guy, I just felt bad for him having to brave not only an angry, cold, wet, tired and hungry amass of comics – but clearly being lied to (more on this in a moment) and being ordered around by the director.

One of the things that the interviewers throughout the day (and Craig Robinson) had said to comics they interviewed was “tell me something funny”, or “give me a good one-liner”. Having heard about this early on, I thought “I don’t do one-liners”, but I’ve written a few for sprinkling into sets even though I never get around to using them. I needed something I could remember on the spot that showed enough about my act to maybe get me a leg up on the competition.

When Craig walked up to me for an interview, I had been standing in line for about 12 hours. Here’s how our interview went ..

Craig : yo, man.. what’s your name?
Me : Mitcz
Craig : Mitcz, Nice to meet you. I’m Craig
Me : Well.. nice to meet you, Craig
Craig : So… you funny?
Me : I sure try to be
Craig : C’mon man.. you can’t try. You gotta KNOW it. Gotta know it in your head
(I point to my cranium, and smile, saying “that’s like some Yoda stuff” under my breath)
Craig : So, gimme somethin’ funny, man. Make it quick
Me : Beyonce says if you love it, you should put a ring on it. So… I pierced my dick.
(Craig looks a little disturbed, and says nothing. no laugh.. no reaction.. nothin’)
Me : ….. should I have said penis instead?
Craig : Nah, man. They’ll bleep it out. It’s cool. You take care, and good luck!

…I’m still not sure if that was considered a good interview. But, hey, I did what I could in my half-asleep state.

Mixed Signals

One of the producers told someone near me (I was fading in and out of sleep, so I can’t remember if it was part of the “crew” I was hanging out with all day or not) that “everyone in line will be seen by someone today. Either inside, or out here in the line, everyone will get a chance to make an impression on one of the scouts or the judges”. At around 3pm, I was a mere hundred feet from the entrance, and we hadn’t moved more than about 20 feet in the past 3 hours. The rain was drizzling in and out, but one of our crew (big shoutout to Robert B Forsyth) bought some pizzas, so I wasn’t as hungry.

Around 4pm, one of the film crew members came out and said “basically, there’s no chance any of you are going to get a chance to audition today. we’re understaffed and overloaded, and.. I’m sorry. Even the people who are in the courtyard..” (quick explanation : the courtyard was just beyond a gate that was maybe 10 feet in front of us) “….might not get a chance, either”. At that point, most of the line started to clear out and go home. Justin and I agreed – we’d come this far, and if everyone turned around and went home, we could probably get into the courtyard and give it a shot. What had we to lose?

So, we stayed. And we got into the courtyard.

The Angry Masses

There in the courtyard, under some hastily-constructed blue tents, amongst about 50 comics… was a surreal moment. There were comics jumping up and down, literally screaming at the top of their lungs for a chance to get in and audition. One guy just kept giving these loud, impassioned speeches about how “we’re all being treated like animals” and much of the crowd of comics cheered him on. I don’t think he was entirely out of line — to say the event was handled “very poorly” would be giving them too much credit — but I don’t see how yelling at any part of the crew that walked by would entice anyone in charge to think “hey! we should totally bring this guy in to our studio!”. So, I did no such yelling, or cheering him on. I’ll explain why at the end of this post.

The biggest point of contention for the line of comics is that they were holding pre-filtered, agent-booked auditions on the same day as this open call. That’s a bit fucked. So, while 300 comics stood in line, about 100 comics were ushered in by their agents before the doors were even opened. Combine the 2-minutes of stage time with however many minutes of pre and/or post interviews, and you’ll find that basic math tells you 9 hours is nowhere near enough time to get through 400+ comedians – all things being equal.

It’s a fair point to make, and I really don’t see why they didn’t just hold the auditions separately – or not having open casting calls in the first place (which, frankly, I would prefer).

My “Audition”

After 15+ hours of standing, sitting, getting 10 minute naps in fold-up chairs, bearing the cold, the rain, the fatigue, and finally being told “sorry, Mitcz.. none for you!”, that angry huddled mass of comics broke through (not physically, but verbally) and the producer decided to bring a camera out, set it on a tripod and give to each comic who wanted it the chance to do one minute of comedy, out there in the rain with no microphone and only a disgruntled production staff and a seething mass of angry comics as an audience.

They said “who’s willing to do that?” – and I just raised my hand and smiled. They said “you’re up!”

Whether or not being the first one (and showing genuine excitement about it) helps my chances, I have no idea. Hell, I don’t even know if they planned on giving those tapes to the judges. All I know is that I’d come that far, and the Mitcz doesn’t falter easily. So, I stood in front of the comics and did the cleanest version of “Women are the Devil” I could. And, frankly, I think I did it well, It was tight, words were chosen carefully, I didn’t stutter, and I didn’t pause for longer than needed. I even got quite a few laughs from both the staff and the angry masses. I call that one point for Team Mitcz.

So, there. That was my “kinda” audition.

Afterthoughts – a brief rant about entitlement and whining

You will see no greater, concentrated group of whiny fucks with an inflated sense of entitlement and self-worth than what you’ll find in the entertainment industry. I saw it all day long, too. A guy (who will forever remain unnamed lest he think he’s important cause my blog comes up when he’s ego-searching himself) even said this around 11am..

“I’ve been doing comedy for 11 years now. Still…. EVEN NOW… I get no respect. I’ve been in this line since 2:30 in the fuckin’ morning. I even had (actor’s name removed) call on my behalf. You know (actor name) ? Yeah, apparently that’s not good enough! You gotta get GOD HIMSELF to call. Fuckin’ assholes. I gotta stand in line in the fucking rain for 9 hours!”

Give me a fucking break. If you’ve been doing comedy for 11 years and you’re hoping your “big break” comes from auditioning for a reality show? Write some better fucking jokes.

This world isn’t free, and anything entertainment-related is gonna be a bitch to get into, and take a lot of fucking work. Sure, anyone who gets onto Last Comic Standing will increase their audience and their booking fees by orders of magnitude in short time – but…. really? Waiting in line for a day or two ain’t shit compared to YEARS AND YEARS of hard work. Every one of those comics knows this. Some of them I knew personally, and I know about the hard work they put into it all. Hell, my friend Justin Dabuet has only been doing comedy for a few months and the dude does more shows in a week than I’ll do this month. And, ya know what? He deserves the benefits of better gigs than I’m getting. Cause he’s putting in the hard work.

Sure, whoever was in charge of the LCS auditions was running that ship at minimal efficiency. They definitely could’ve handled it better. Hell, a one-armed chimp with a drinking problem may have handled it better. And, yes, it was a grueling experience, and my heart goes out to every comic that didn’t get a chance to audition. But, let’s think about this – when else in life do you have a chance to completely change your life by doing nothing more than standing in a line and then talking for 2 minutes? Literally anyone could stand in that line. ANYONE. Don’t give me this shit about “years of hard work to get those 2 minutes”.

It was an experience, I had a lot of fun in the line, I met a lot of great people, and I got a fleeting chance to make a dream happen. Fuck it. I call that an even score.

(and, yes, I have been nervously making sure my phone is charged and in good range of cell towers all day just in case……)

UPDATE! (March 9th, 2010)

I said earlier that I thought Craig Robinson was “lied to”, but never explained why I thought that. What I meant was, all day long he was interviewing people and I heard him ask on more than one occasion “what’s it like to know you’ll be getting a chance at $250,000 and to be on national TV doing comedy? Just beyond those doors is a chance to make your dream come true!”. That’s not a statement you make to someone who WON’T, in fact, have that chance. The people he asked that to were behind me, and this was about 30 mins before they told everyone beyond the gate to go home. So, I think he was being told we’d all get that chance. Or, more likely, that the staff really thought they’d get through everyone. Who knows.

Official Word From Last Comic Standing

The people running the LCS profile on Facebook have sent me a few messages, stating (very kindly, I’ll add) that they never guaranteed everyone would be seen. They wanted me to mention that to everyone who reads this. So, I have. And, I told them I didn’t hold anger towards them as I didn’t figure we’d even get a chance to begin with but that it was worth a shot.

What’s fascinating to me is that they actually read my blog :

We had a neat little convo back-and-forth and while they made it clear to me that the people in charge of the FB account had no part in the casting, I’m still flattered to have been given the extra attention. So, thanx Last Comic Standing Facebook Admins :)

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