Mitcz.com : Official blog of Rev. Mitcz, the demented devilish comedian from Hollywood, CA.

I forgot I made this years ago, and never ended up printing or using it. I found it the other day while clearing out old files and thought “I need to post this around V-Day”. So, here ya go kids. Feel free to print it up and do whatever.

(if you’re offended by this : you’re hyper-sensitive, probably an idiot, and you’re reading the wrong blog)

I was reading through OKCupid’s fascinating number-crunching blog “OKTrends” and stumbled upon an entry about success rates for wording in messages. If you have 5 minutes to spare, give it a read.

Nonetheless, here’s a quick breakdown of Do’s and Don’ts.

Do Not…

Use netspeak/slang. (words like “ur”, “u”, “luv”) or bad spelling (“wut”, “realy”, “cant”)
Use physical compliments (“you’re sexy”, “beautiful”, “hey cutie”, etc)
Mention using outside services to get to know them (email, AIM, yahoo, cellphone, etc)
Mention god. Unsurprisingly (to me, at least), Jesus and God decrease reply rates even amongst other religious terms.

Do…

Be humble, especially for men. Surprisingly “sorry”, “awkward” and “apologize” all had high success rates.
Mention something in …

Thought I’d have some fun with the flyer I made earlier (for my birthday gig). So, here’s a little meme I’m working on that I’ll add to as time goes on. Enjoy.

Don’t get too excited, it’s not the return of Aural Salvation but in some ways it might be better.

I have a new application on my phone that lets me stream LIVE video all over the world at the push of a button. I’ve run some tests, and it works great. The quality could be better, but c’mon.. it’s like having a TV broadcast tower in my damned pocket.

So, I’ve decided I’m gonna try something all-new for my next gig (this Thursday, Aug 20th) – I’ll be streaming my entire performance LIVE.

You’ll get a few mins of pre-show, maybe just me watching other comics. Maybe just me having a pre-show drink and smoke. Who knows. I’m playing it by ear. Then, …

Now that I’ve rolled out my new logo, I feel it’s about time I finally made some Mitcz Merch (err… “Mitcz Mercz”). I’m faced with a number of dilemmas, however, and that’s why I’m asking for your help.

First and foremost, here’s a basic idea for how the shirts might look (a few different styles/colors cause nothing’s finalized yet)

And a close-up of one of the designs :

Now for the initial dilemma : would anyone buy one? To that end, I’ve setup a poll here on the site, and you can vote right now :

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The next dilemma (and, yes, I encourage honest commentary on this) is that there’s two routes I …

Ever been curious what kind of ridiculous shit I have in my apartment? For some reason, quite a few people have asked me about that in recent times, so.. I made this video. It could be incredibly boring, but maybe not. You be the judge.

“I still got it. I can still do this.” That’s what I told myself as I walked off-stage last night. It was an incredible feeling. I didn’t feel so hot about the gig prior to that, which I chalked up to all the shit I had on my mind, weighing me down. I hoped that was what held me back.

It’s a funny thing, my fickle ego. After a great set, I feel refreshed and on top of it all. After a bad set, I feel like I don’t belong on stage. Like maybe I’m just funny enough for people to not completely hate my act, but…. certainly not funny enough to justify carrying on. I never wanted to be one …

Today, I came across a short advice column in a “family-friendly online news source” where the term “blowjob” was replaced with “making a grilled cheese sandwich”. From the article :

I am a 30 Year old male. I have been dating a wonderful woman for 2.5 years. I would describe everything about her as perfect except for one thing. She absolutely refuses to [make me a grilled cheese sandwich.] Now I want to ask her to marry me, but the thought of going the rest of my life without receiving [grilled cheese sandwiches] is definitely a worry.

Now, thankfully, the advice columnist probes as to why the potential wife wouldn’t want to do it, and whether or not he’s …

(this is the first part of a series of posts I plan to do about the interesting nuggets of wisdom I receive in my Truth Box)

A few months ago, I installed the “Truth Box” app on my MySpace page, just to see what happened. For the most part, I get a horde of misspelled proclamations of lust and sexual desires. While flattering – I have a girlfriend (Misi) whom I love very much, so I’m afraid your desire to “suk” my “cokk” will go unrequited. About 1 out of 30 “truths” is a horribly misspelled and grammatically incorrect proclamation that I’m “a fag”, “a homo”, or most recently “a skinhead”.

Today, I’d like to focus on perhaps the most idiotic …

So, I set a new personal record for longest comedy performance on Thursday night at Shooters. 30 fuckin’ minutes. I’d only written about 5 mins of new material, and TK said “you can do like 15 minutes. If you’re killing, I’ll let you keep going”. At around 21 minutes, I’d run out of the material that was immediately on the top of my head, and TK yelled from off-stage “you’re good, man. keep goin’!”. So, I launched into a newer bit that probably was a little rustier than it should’ve been. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve used the piercings/tattoos material. Ah well.

I’d like to record a comedy EP sometime in December, and while I was worried I wouldn’t be …