Not my fuckin' week

This has sooo not been my fuckin’ week. Suffice to say that it’s been a small version of hell. Check it out, day by day:

Sunday: Nothin’ too bad, just had to work, and was half asleep

Monday: The girlfriend and I break up

Tuesday - I get to work, and find out I’ve been suspended. Let me explain..

I work, or rather worked, at a Circle K, on the graveyard shift. It seems that I have to be some kind of cigarette and alcohol czar and keep it out of the hands of minors. No biggie. Now, throw in the variable that is underage kids getting older people to buy them alcohol, plus not really being able to see the outside of the store and you’ve got a problem.. kids can shoulder tap and get alcohol. Plus, if they get busted - you get busted.

So, I sold alcohol to this chick who I’ve seen come in to buy beer a million times. I’ve checked her ID more than I care to remember - she just doesn’t look over 21 (she’s 23) and she’s always buying beer like 3-4 times a night.. a sign of someone who’s just a bit excited to get beer. Anyway, she buys beer, and these kids who were hangin’ around the store earlier (and were already drunk) were hangin’ out in the front of the store. I never saw her hand them anything, and by her own word she was buying it for her, her aunt and her uncle. Nope

Kinda shorten the story a bit.. these kids got arrested for drunk driving and said they bought beer from me. I got suspended while they did research (i.e. - checkin’ the video tapes)

I come home to find out my roommate/best friend Champagne has smashed her ankle all to shit on our trampoline. She’d just bought the last of the sold-out U2 tickets 2 days before, and now she was unable to go.

Wednesday - I wake up after 2 hours of sleep to Champagne telling me I have to take her to the Dr. I’ve gotta leave immediately. No prob, she’s my friend and I owe her a lot, so I get up and we go to the Dr.

After waiting in the waiting room for about an hour (I fell asleep thankfully), the Dr. finally brings her in. Champ hasn’t gotten her health insurance card yet, so she’s in between insured and not insured. The visit costs her $75 - just to look at her ankle for 10 mins!!! Hell.. the Dr. didn’t even know whether it was broken, spraigned, or worse.. he didn’t know shit. So, he sends us off to get her an x-ray.

We go down the hall to get an x-ray, the Dr. said to tell them that he had to have the results by the end of the day. It was 4:45 by the time Champ went to get an x-ray, so they didn’t get into the Dr.’s hands until Thursday. The X-ray costs her another $150 + the cost of "someone reading it".. they didn’t say how much that would be, but come on - let me read the fuckin’ x-ray, it doesn’t take a genius to find the difference "broken ankle", "spraigned ankle", and "torn ligament/muscular damage". Hell, I’d even do it for free. But, no, I didn’t spend 4 years in college to look at negatives of people’s insides.. so they tell me to fuck off (in a nice way of course).

Wednesday night, after I wake up from my sleep that I missed earlier (I woke up at 1am) I begin to work on a song. I failed miserably at it, and it’s tearing me apart inside. Hopefully I can get something more interesting done tonight.

Thursday - so, I fuck up the song. That’s the beginning of the day. I go to sleep, I wake up and call my manager to find out what the verdict is on my suspension. Turns out that on camera they see me talking to the chick who bought alcohol and the teens she gave it to. Now, they didn’t see me sell her alcohol in front of them, but they "just kinda figured" that I sold it to her knowing that I was contributing to their deliquency. Anyway, I got fired for that. No job. Nevermind that it took me like 4 months just to get this job.. now I’ve gotta go back out again and find ANOTHER FUCKING JOB!!! arrgggh!!!!

I decide that I must go to the U2 concert. Champ’s not upset by that, as she still needs someone to pawn off her ticket anyway. But, I feel like I need this. I need some U2 to calm me down, maybe this will make my week better. Nope.

I pawned off the ticket, no problem there. But, god.. U2 wasn’t that great. I mean, there was just no energy. I’ve been to so many concerts in my day and this was the first one where not ONE person so much as bumped into me. Not ONE crowd surfer. Not ONE interesting person in the crowd.. chaotic enough to stir shit up. There was a few people who bounced up and down for about 10 secs every few songs, but that was it. Even Bono didn’t do a whole lot. He just kinda struck poses, and he sang off-beat, and not too well. Sorry to upset all you U2 fans, but you didn’t miss much. They’re one of the most successful bands around and they didn’t have a whole lot to offer onstage. It was kind of a letdown. They played the songs I came to hear though, so I give them that much. But, I just didn’t feel that connection with U2 like I did with NIN, or Faith No More, or.. hell, just about every band I’ve ever seen. It was cold and lifeless.. maybe it was just me, but I don’t know - it didn’t feel right. It never felt like they were playing "my song" - I just didn’t care when they busted into "with or without you".. it was just another song by that point. Boring, and upsetting. This didn’t fix my week.

I got home okay, and now I’m here… home, again. Champ’s got a busted ankle, so I need to take her to the Dr. again tomorrow to find out the results of the x-rays and find out if they can/will do anything for her. I broke my detoxing several times throughout the week… I feel like a loser. Not because of that, though. I just feel like I’m not proud of myself. I always want people to be proud of me. I wanted the girlfriend to be proud of me, most of all. It matters to me a lot. I don’t know why.. I just want her to be able to say "yeah, my boyfriend kicks ass, check this out.." and not feel ashamed. But, nope. I suck. I talk a bunch of shit about how I’m gonna do stand-up comedy, write some screenplays, make some digital art, shoot some photos and mix it in with the digital art, write some songs, get a band together again and start kickin’ ass. Do you know what I’ve done out of that list? Zilch.

I hate that. I just feel like I’ve let her down. I’ve let myself down too. I feel like shit right now. I really hope I can make SOMETHING artistic and wonderful, preferrably musical tonight. If I can, then my week will be saved. If I fail again… god, I don’t want to think about that. I just won’t fail…

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