Friends - gotta love 'em

Posted by Rev. Mitcz

June 18, 2001

I was walking down the stairs tonight. After Nad went to sleep. I passed my beloved cat Bouschka, asleep on the top of a cupboard connected to the top of the stairs. He flicked out his paw and gave a soft "meow" as I passed - and I pet him softly to let him know I loved him. The only light on was the green one that lights our stairwell. At the foot of the stairs, two chihuahuas fought for my attention.. licking my feet and wagging their tails.

I passed through the hallway/main opening, taking a quick look at our mannequin with 8" suction cup dildo cleverly poking out from underneath her dress. Nad decided the mannequin made a better drag queen than fashionable straight woman I guess.

Into the living room I went. There I stood before an opening in the wall, wherein a cubbyhole has been made for our 27 dildos/vibrators/assorted sex devices. It was alit with blue light from underneath — just behind the 12 porno tapes, varying from classics like "Debbie Does Dallas" to the raunchy "Sex Starved Fuck Sluts #54".

Just to the left of that, above our fireplace is another cubbyhole, this time it was lit from underneath with a blacklight.. the backing and sides of this nook are all black, sheets keep it that way. There are white glittery x-mas lights and some assorted plastic shrubbery hanging from the top of the nook. They are alit a sort of purple glow — the way blacklights do to things.

I live in a madhouse. A fantastic altar of sorts to the things my friends and I have always found amusing and profound on a sick level. The occassion comes when I’m fighting Champagne with an 8 inch vibrator and my cat Bouschka vs. Her, the vibrating/pulsating "panther" vibe and her oldest chihuahua Menudo… that I stop and think "where else can you get this kind of entertainment?". I swear on the future graves of everyone I love that the above paragraphs are by no means a lie or an exaggeration. This is why I love life.

But you see… below that blacklight display is what caught my eye. There lies a picture of friendship. A constant reminder of how lucky I am to be alive and even luckier to have found the greatest group of people on earth. I stood there and stared into the frame.. slowly examining everyone’s various expressions:

Champagne — With one arm on her sister Nelly, the other on Brittany, she has a look of utter contentment with a pinch of cynicism. This is Champagne in her natural habitat. She’s truly comical most of the time, and it a reassuring warmth to people in her presence that happiness is what counts. This is the woman to whom I owe so much.. she has helped me more than I could possibly explain in the space of even 10 pages. Don’t ever think you can tell Champ what to do, or what you think of what she’s doing - cause she just don’t give a fuck. That’s why I love her.. this world is hers, and you can fuck off if you disagree. Keep it real Champie ;)
To Champagne — I say thank you.. for everything you’ve done for me, for smiling, for laughing, for reminding me that I suck :)

Nelly — The younger sister of Champagne. She has that look of mocking contempt with her sarcastically big smile. Ya gotta love it. She’s really more than just Champagne’s sister though, she’s more of an alter-ego. It’s surprising how much these two are so alike. And while her and I have butted heads more times than I can shake a dildo at.. I have to admit.. I like her. I think Nelly’s the shiznit. She’s fuckin’ hilarious sometimes.. and if you get on her good side, she’ll always be there with a compliment or a laugh. And, like Champagne - she just doesn’t give a fuck if you don’t like it! Hardcore! Yeah!
To Nelly — Thank you for also reminding me that I suck, for laughing at my jokes, for keeping me amused and all that you’ve done for our little crew ;)

Brittany — Sometimes she’s playfully referred to as "Brit-Dawg". Posed in this picture like a model.. hips on the side, eyes right into the camera - yes, she’s practiced this one. Brittany makes me feel like a rockstar. I sometimes wonder if she’s human. I think one day she’s gonna fall off the trampoline, her head will split open and reveal cybergenetic empathy implants. She’s always quick with a compliment, a laugh, a smile. No one can possibly hate this woman. She’s just too nice. It’s odd. Nelly and Champ have known her for like 8 years or more. Oh.. and to those nay-sayers about my cyborg theory, those who question her growth over the years — well, to that I say they’re just replacing the old model with a new one every few years and no one’s the wiser. Yeah, that’s the fact.
To Brittany — You rock. Thanx for making me feel like I’m worth a shit when I do.. well, just about anything.

Sean — Hand posed for the rawkin’ metal scene, tongue slipping out and eyes half-closed you might wonder if he’s somewhat retarded. Nope. That’s just how Sean is - silly and he doesn’t give a fuck. Sean is the shit. Doubt it and you’re goin’ down. One of my musical soulmates and always bringing a smile to my face and the rest of the crew as well.. Sean’s just one of those guys you never stop loving to death. I think he needs a fan club.
To Sean - hell, there’s not much I can say here that I’ve not said in some drunken, stoned, fried stupor at one point or another in the last few years. But for shits and giggles - keep on rockin’ in the free world, we’re gonna OWN!!

Nad - I can never take this guy seriously. Even when he’s pissed I kinda brush it off the way I do when Tweak (one of the chihuahuas) bites me for rolling over in my sleep. Even in this picture you can see he’s making an attempt at the normal man’s smile. He just looks like the fun-loving Nad we all know and love. If people were truly animals.. I think Nad would be a Gibbon monkey. Ya know, the ones that are all hairy and smelly with a big bare ass and when they get pissed they throw their feces at you and masturbate when they’re really happy. Yeah, I think that’s Nad.
To Nad — I know we all give you a lot of shit. Sometimes it goes a bit far. But.. we all love ya. I do anyway ;) Seriously, you’ve kept me sane in this insane world and driven me insane when all I wanted was a little sanity. It’s all good though man. Remember Jamie ;)

These are my friends.. I love them to death. I miss them all, for I am alone in my room at 3:30am and all but Nad are in Phoenix right now. Please come home soon guys.. it’s time to get fuckin’ shit-faced drunk ; )