Funny Story…

Posted by Rev. Mitcz

December 6, 2001

So, we (Champagne, Ricky and I) went up to SF for some Tomahawk lovin’. It was the last 2 shows of the tour that we saw 2/3 of the beginning of. We had to go - you understand. Here’s how it went down:

First Night: We caught the opening act, DJ Swamp. I thought "oh great, a DJ, this should be fun (sarcasm)". But this motherfucker was amazing. He even picked up the needle and started dropping it on integral parts of a tone record and played "Axel F." Later, he had a record of guitar noises, and using the same method, started kicking out "Eye of the Tiger", "Smoke on The Water" and a few others. Then he lit his fingers on fire and did some more scratching. We came to SF to get a Mike Patton interview for rockthefrigginhouse.com’s launch next year, but we decided to get a DJ Swamp interview as well. Ricky told him about it and he agreed to sit with us for a few minutes the next night. Tomahawk came on and kicked all that ass, too bad the sound person was new that night so it didn’t sound too hot, but the show still kicked my bitch ass in.

After the show, we did the usual — wait around for Mike and say "good show" etc. We talked w/everyone else in Tomahawk, and Duane Denison (the guitarist in Tomahawk, from Jesus Lizard) remembered us from backstage at the Pomona show. The drummer (John Stanier — formerly of Helmet) called us crazy for "driving 6 hours to see a rock band"(his words).

Mike finally came out, and apparently we’d been spotted by other Patton freaks going behind the club, so he arrived to a small crowd of people. I shook his hand and said "Great fuckin show man" and he thanked me for that. Then I said "Mike… is it possible, either tonight or tomorrow to get an interview with you, it’ll be about 10 mins." He told me it was doubtful, that he was home for the first time in months, but perhaps some other time. Then he said.. "wait! how about an e-mail interview?" so I said "oh, okay… that’d work" and I pulled out a pen and a spare Diamond International (the co. I work for) business card to write on, but he grabbed it from me and started writing, and I said "oh, I was gonna give you my e-mail addy, but that works too" and he handed it back to me w/just his autograph. Then:

Me: oh, it’s cool man, I didn’t need your autograph, I got it in Pomona
Mike: What? In Pomona?
Me: yeah. I guess you don’t remember us, but it’s cool - you meet a lot of people
Mike:I think I would’ve remembered that JACKET, JACKSON!
Me: nope. guess not
Mike: YOU were wearing THAT jacket?
Me: Yeah
Mike: In Pomona, and you met me, eh?
Me: Yeah, we’ve even got pictures, damn I shoulda brought them.
Mike: Hmmm… I’m really sorry, I don’t remember that. I musta been REALLY stoned. (laugh)
Me: (laugh)

So, I was confused. I’d always heard Patton didn’t do drugs, and that he barely ever got drunk. Maybe I’d heard wrong. I get this idea, what if I brought him a joint. I figure, he’s done so much for me as a musician, and every time I’ve run into him it’s been to ask him for something (gimme a picture with you, an autograph, an interview) yes it was clearly time to give back to a man that’s given me so much.

Second Night: We get to the show, catch Swamp again. We remind him about the interview, he remembers, it’s all good. He even grabbed a homeless guy from outside to help him push some merch. Funny shit. This toothless old bum kept shoving this video in front of people’s faces and going "BAM! Check taht shit, yo! Look, it even gots the Mad cover design - shit!" Good stuff. Tomahawk goes on, the sound was 100x better, I guess the new sound lady got a lesson from Mike earlier that day, it was the best show yet. I mean, they were right on the whole time - they even brought Swamp out for the encore. Patton started beatboxin’ and matching notes and sounds with Swamp’s scratches. It fuckin’ rocked my house, sir. Skip ahead again…

I told everyone in Tomahawk congrats on a great fuckin’ tour, Stanier seemed incredibly thankful and almost surprised that I said it. It may have been b/c I was the only one out of the our crew (some of Ricky’s SF friends were hangin’ around waitin’ for the Patton love with us) who said it. Finally, after all their shit was packed up, everyone had said goodbye, and even 3/4ths of Tomahawk had driven away in a minivan, we saw Patton peak his head around a corner. A few minutes later, he came flying out of the parking lot in his Maroon RAV 4. Yeah, he drives a RAV 4. Heh. We were worried that was going to be the last we saw of him, but nope. He stopped the car just beyond the band U-Haul out front. I saw his shadow as he went around to the back (where we were standing). He was talking to one of the crew members, told him he was going home, and then walked off. I was sure he saw us and knew why we were there, so when he walked away, back to his car (that was parked in the middle of the street, still running) I thought it would be a bad move to walk up to him or follow him. Thankfully, Champagne had gumption. She walked right up behind him and yelled for him, and he turned around. The.. uh… I think 5 of us (there was some other kid, aside from us who just wanted to get autographs from all the members on the CD) walked up and joined her. Here’s how THAT went:

Mike (yelling to me): Hey Red!
(yeah dude, Patton not only remembered me, but gave me a nickname — suckas!)
Me: Hey man, great great fuckin’ tour, I just wanted to congratulate you.
Mike: Hey thanks, it’s been a good tour.
Me: (holding out joint in hand) Here ya go man..
Mike: Oh, heh.. I don’t uh.. I don’t smoke man.
Me: Oh, but last night you said..
Mike: yeah "I was REALLY stoned". Nah… it was nothin’ I just…. I was just fuckin’ around. I was REALLY stoned. Heh
Me: Well, I just felt this need to give to you, after all you’ve given me as a fan.
Mike: (shakes my hand puts his arm on my shoulder) Thanx man. It means a lot.
Me: Well, what can I say? I’ve followed your career since I got the Real Thing for my 12th birthday, that makes it 11+ years now.
Mike: Heh, well you’re a stubborn bastard.

We all stood there for about another 2 minutes, talking about his upcoming Peeping Tom project and how excited we all were to hear it, and he said "yeah, me too". We talked about the upcoming New Year’s show — I wish I could go, it sounded like it was gonna be fuckin’ great. And, I’m sure he’d remember us again — maybe I could finally be elevated to that level of being known by Mike Patton, so every time he played in a town I was at, I could go and just say "Hey Mike, what’s up man? Great show" and he’d say "thanx Mitcz" or even "Thanx red". But alas, I don’t think that’s gonna happen :(

I’m just happy I was finally able to snap out of stupid land around Mike Patton to say what I’ve always wanted to. That he’s given me so much. There’s still a lot more to say, but I doubt I’ll ever get the chance, and besides — I don’t wanna keep saying the same shit to him every time. Nah, I’ve said my peace. And, now I’ve got an e-mail interview to write out to him. I’ll post it when I get feedback. Peace out kids.

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