what the fuck?

Dude, this world is fuckin’ weird now. Kids are money-grubbing little bastards. Or, maybe it’s just an "independent woman" thing. Okay, so here’s what the fuck I’m talking about:

About 5 mins. ago, I was sitting here, doing some minor work - watchin’ a little American Beauty on the DVD player in the living room (which I can see at an angle from my desk). The doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone. I don’t know about Mike, but he never mentioned anything about anyone coming over. SO, I get up to look. Sure enough, it’s girlscout selling shit at your door season. DAMN.

So, there’s this little girl. I don’t think she was a girl scout though. She didn’t have the outfit, from what I could see. She says (phonetically accurate) "Hello. I’m selling cookies, candy, cappucino, candy bars, wait….. I’m selling cookies, capp.. capp… candy, capp……. capppucino, no wait ….. ummmmmm uh… well, candy bars, cookies…" and then she stuttered on for another minute or so describing this vast array of crazy products that she peddles to unsuspecting people stuck in their comfortable homes. I had to cut her off though "uhhh… let me see if my roommate is interested, I’ll be right back okay?" She says "okay, I only need 7 more sales to make it to 30 - and it’ll be my first time making it to 30" . I just said "okay, I’ll be back then" and gave the "hi, I’m a smart adult trying to act cute and nice to fool all you little kids into thinking that the world is less cruel and unusual than it really is — but it’s cute to me that you’re too naive to know any better, and I’m sure you’re parents lie to you all the time to regain their own innocence back" look.

I went sneaking around the house, quietly looking for Mike to, admittedly, make HIM get rid of the little girl. But, he was nowhere to be found. I knocked on his door, after checking his office - he didn’t answer. I thought he’d be on the toilet, but the door to his bathroom is right next to the front door - so I’d have to be really sneaky about getting him to get rid of the girl. I knew he wouldn’t do it even if I did alert him via the knock-on-the-bathroom-door method. But, I had to at least pretend to ask him if he wanted anything. He didn’t answer though. SO, I was stuck with the responsibility of getting rid of the saleswoman, errrrr… saleslittlegirl. More appropriate "The Devil in little girl’s clothing".

Think I’m just being an overreacting bitch? Oh no.. no no… it gets really weird. The world did a bitch flip on me.

I say to the little girl "I’m sorry… he’s not really interested, thanks" and proceed to close the door with a smile. She says "How come?". Here’s how it went from there:

Me: Uhhh.. well, I said "hey, did you want any of these items that this girl is selling?" and he said "nah, I’m good"
The Devil Dressed As A Girl: "what about you?"
Me: No, thanks. I’m broke - I would, but I’m broke.
DDAAG: Do you have any money in the bank?
Me: No, I’m broke.., all out of money - even in the bank. Rent was due.
DDAAG: Well, what about him? Does HE have money?
Me: Like I said, rent.
DDAAG: What about in the bank?
Me: Uhhh… maybe, but he’s not interested
DDAAG: Why not?
Me: I don’t know. I guess he’s got all he needs right now.
DDAAG: he might.
Me: I uhhhh….well, I don’t know. I’m sure if he were interested, he’d be here right now buying things.
DDAAG: Well, do you have $2? You could buy a small item.
Me: No, I really don’t. I have to borrow money from him for stuff until payday.
DDAAAG: SO, go borrow some money and buy some things.
Me: Uhhh.. no, I already borrowed my allotted amount for the day.
DDAAG: You should really save some money, so you can buy things for yourself. Even I know that.
Me: Yeah, well.. the world hates me.
DDAAG: I only need 7 more sales….

Then I shut the door - pretty much midway through her sentence - and shuddered. First, I’ll tell you — I lied to her, a lot. Yes, I lied. Yes, it was kinda unfair, but everyone lies to kids. We don’t want to be cruel and send them off crying. I just didn’t wanna buy anything from her little basket of Satan’s goodies. She called my bluff on EVERYTHING. I’m far from broke, I don’t borrow money from Mike, I have money in the bank - hell, I had money on me. Mike was far from broke - he might not have been completely uninterested. Who knows. But, it was fuckin’ weird.

I think before she went out to sell this shit, her mom - no doubt a working 30-something told her all about the power of cuteness, and using it to get whatever she wants. "Make them feel guilty. Get in their face, ask questions. You don’t get anywhere in life just asking politely. Mommy would still be sitting at home taking care of daddy’s house if she did that. But, Mommy’s got her own money because mommy takes control." Later in life, Mommy will tell her all about using her looks and her tits to get ahead, maybe even using GIVING head to get ahead. Getting up in people’s faces, standing up for women - being a strong, independent woman! Or, better yet - marrying a rich man and taking half his money! whoo!

I’m not entirely against all of that independent woman thinking. I like independent women. I only date and respect women who give it all they’ve got in life. But, I don’t know - with that little girl I saw a recipe for disaster. I know I seem like I’m assuming too much - but i’m not assuming anything. I’m just saying "what if…?" And, hell.. why was that girl so insistant? She was WAY too insistant for a little girl, I mean I’ve had carpet salesman give up sooner than that. What the fuck is up with this world? I feel really old now. Kids these days aren’t buying the bullshit that being nice and laying down when they’re told is a good way to be. I guess I should respect that, but I don’t respect pushy salespeople. Fuckin’ weird man.

Please comment. I like political debates.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.