pouring out…

i may come off a lot like i’ve got it all figured out. like i’m never scared of life or consequences or life-changing risks. i like to exude that attitude to cheer other up, let everyone know it’s going to be okay. if i can do - so can you, right? well, i’ll admit a few things

• i’m stressed-out
• i’m overworked
• i’m overbooked
• i’ve got no time to breathe anymore
• i’m scared
• i’m worried
• i’m jealous
• i’m in question
• i’m making assumptions

..but overall i’m just uncomfortable. i want to leave this town tomorrow and be on with my new life. but i’ve got so many things to take care of, so many things i need to wrap up, finish, work on, and complete. i have money coming to me from work unfinished - money that will not come until all things are in place. without said money, i cannot leave. my time is running short and the longer i stay, the more i realize i’m leaving behind

• the beautiful, sexy, intelligent girlfriend whom i love
• the job, of which i would be in an upper management position w/higher pay
• the opportunity for more comedy gigs than i could shake a stick at
• the friends whom i’ve come to enjoy, love, be entertained by, and care for greatly
• the fellow comedians and their opportunities which they’ve offered to include me in - which would lead no doubt to a flourishing acting career amongst other things

but, it’s just not my way. celina is california. she is beautiful, fun, entertaining, and wonderful. but, staying with her forever is just not my way so i’m moving on. just as california has given me some of the greatest opportunities and moments of my life, has beautiful beaches and wonderful weather… it’s just not my place to be. i feel i belong in new york.

i need 8 months in florida, living alone in an apartment. i need to sit and re-evaluate "the mitcz". that solace, the comfort in being insane and alone, i need all of that to further my soul’s growth, and my goals in life. and though i said i was saving my tears for the day my mother died - having not cried in almost 13 years now..

last night, just before i dozed off… my eyes started to fog. no tears - just a stuffy feeling. no doubt i have some soiled, tear-wiping handkerchiefs in store for me during my self-sabbatical journey in florida.

thank you all for being there for me while i was here. i’m sorry i cannot be here physically in a short while. but, i will always be there emotionally - at the other end of a wire, a phone, an e-mail.

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