How to Meet People Online
Though I’d prefer to have a particularly “angry” article for ANGRY MF.com - this is an article I wrote awhile back and never did finish the original website it was written for. It’s also, conveniently enough, the only fully-coded one I could find just now. So, let’s learn how to meet people online, shall we?
Rev. Mitcz’s 10 steps to weeding out liars, fakers, and people you’d never fuck/date/meet IRL* via the internet…
(*IRL = In Real Life)
DISCLAIMER: this article is NOT meant to offend anyone who’s of a larger stature, obese people, those who consider themselves ugly, etc. If you are attracted to larger people - then more power to ya. These steps will help you to find a larger person. For those of you who would prefer a thinner person, and/or who care a lot about having a person who’s happy w/their body composition and doesn’t lie to you about it - then this list will help you as well.
1. Look for multiple pictures most importantly - multiple lighting and multiple angles. (some people take 30 pics of themselves in the same lighting and angle, b/c that’s their “golden angle” of which they can trick you)
2. If they don’t have any pics of them that show more than waist up, or from their bust up — ask if they have any full-body pics. (many of the more “obese” people only have pics of them from upper chest to head. They might claim they can’t fit a full-body shot on their cam… but tell them to just get what they can into the frame. Though, they’re prolly lying if they say their cam won’t do it)
3. If they’re in any sort of community (IAM, BME, Makeout Club, Sparkmatch, SWYDM, FTJ, etc.) look to see if they mention friends on that site… then check out their friends’ page. Chances are they’ll have a candid picture of your little e-beau on their pages (if they’ve actually met and hung out).
4. Along with looking for those pics, see if any of their friends mentioned in posts (this works mostly for LJ, but may work other times as well) that they look totally different in that pic than in real life. Believe it or not, a lot of friends will inadvertantly post this kind of info, I’ve seen it many times — I never knew why though. (example: Here’s me and emily - she looks totally different in that pic from real life - it doesn’t even look like her)
5. Disregard any pictures taken by glamour photographers (i.e. soft focus, overly made-up, professionally lighted). Those were meant to show their beauty in high school to send off to their grandparents. Also, take out of the mix any of the following pics: soft focused, inversed colors, blurred faces/details, art projects, halloween pics, blown-out pics,(like, intensely bright light that tends to “blow out” details in facial features, etc.) and any picture that says “something I made while messing around with photoshop” below it.
6. Videochat. If you both have cams, tell them to download ispq (http://www.ispq.com) and “connect” with them for live videochat. The trial version lasts for 30 days, with unlimited connection time up until then. This should be more than enough time to discern if they’re hiding details or not.
You can also use Yahoo! It can finally allow both Mac and PC users to videochat online (tip: if one of you has a mac, and the other has a Windows-based machine, make sure you’re both using the most recent version - older windows versions don’t allow connections w/their Mac counterparts) While in videochat, notice details like: do they ever look directly at the cam?, do they barely ever move?, do they misalign the camera everytime they get up from their seat? (to grab a drink or whatever — some people like to think that shaking the cam as they get up will knock it over, thereby imparing your view of their portly ass). Videochat can sometimes have voice capabilities, so you can get to know that about them too. It’s also a good way to study someone’s habits and mannerisms. Personally, I smoke - even moreso when I’m in front of my computer at home. So, when I’m videochatting, I’ll tend to smoke quite a bit. If they don’t like smokers - I’m fucked. But hey, at least I can weed out the non-smokers and smoke-haters.
7. If they live in the same town as you and won’t tell you where they work — they’re prolly hiding something. Or, they don’t want to meet you. Either way, you should probably move on. (I’ve hidden my workplace before, and it was always b/c I wasn’t sure I wanted THAT person to come see me at work, mostly because I never really wanted to meet them anyway). There could also be another issue at play here (i.e. they’ve got a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse that they never told you about)
8. If they live in another town, or state — pretend that a friend of yours might have to go out there in a few weeks, and will be bringing you along. You wanna know if it’s cool for them to dump you off someplace closeby while they go do what needs to be done. Even though you might have no intentions of actually going to their town, you’ll get a good idea on how badly they actually want you to meet them. Who knows — you might end up inadvertantly planning a trip to see them with your “friend”.
9. Try to exchange phone numbers. These days, most cell phones have free long distance and nights/weekends free. You’ve got almost no excuse to ditch up an offer to chat with your new e-beau for 30-40 mins. on a late saturday night. Plus, this eliminates their ability to send you pics of a chick when they’re actually some 40 yr. old man ;) (oh, and if they’re married or have a g/f, you’ll know b/c they won’t want you to call them, they’ll want your digits)
10. Look their name up online. If ya wanna play a little detective work, type in their “handle”,or try their name, online. Who knows — they might be well respected for their gothic/industrial jam sessions in Frankfurt when they were 15 yrs. old and have an international cult following overseas (true story, I actually met a girl like that once.. she was a freak, but hey - i got me an international industrial-rockstar for a night).
Well, that’s pretty much it. Naturally these aren’t failproof or even foolproof. But, if you get that shifty feeling when you’re talking with them, and they constantly “brb” without telling you why (I mean, if they’re gone for an hour or two — don’t get militant, people!) — just move on to someone else. It’s the WORLD wide web, afterall. Believe it or not, mixing Videochat, phone convos, voice chat, and pic trading is about 99% accurate. I have proof. It’s very hard to fake a good videochat — unless they can bank on you to never ask them to stand up and show a side view of them. If someone asks you to do the same, do it. Quid Pro Quo is always good manners. Hiding only creates probs. If you asks someone and they don’t do it, they’re prolly lying to you about their physical attributes.
So, what are you waiting for now? Get out there and find yourself some ass!
Additional Notes
In the event that you find someone w/out a cam (it happens a lot) - ask them to get one. The tired old excuse that “they cost too much” is utter horseshit these days. Here’s a few places to look, if you’re nice enough to say “hey, I’ll find you one!”.
� An Ebay search webcams under $40 that offer a “buy now” option.
� iSpQ’s “camcentral”, find prices, and reviews for just about any cam
� Pricegrabber.com, to find the lowest price on a cam you’ve chosen
Personal Sites
okay, there’s a million of ‘em out there, but in case you don’t know - here’s a few to get you started…
� Nerve.com Personals - the best of the best, seriously
� LavaLine - Pretty good concept, a little pricey though.
� HotorNot - A pretty basic site, but it’s cheap, easy, and very popular (translation: lots of ass to choose from).
Okay, that’ll do it for now. I might add a few later on down the line.
Do the web2.0 social bookmarking thing....
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ozrume said :
Hello, I just wanted to say you have a very informative site which really made me think, thanks very much! Have a nice Day!!l