Mmmkay.

I’ll make it quick here. Last night, I was going over to talk with Laura (the girl I had mentioned in a previous post as someone I was dating who might be running off to get married) and find out just how "on the fence" she is about the whole situation. In recent talks, she’d been sounding very unsure of the idea, and it seemed like the more we talked, the worse the idea became. Please believe, I wasn’t trying to convince her it was a bad idea. I was doing quite the opposite for a while there, because I didn’t want to be the least bit responsible for her decision to not marry him.

This past week, trying to get over the whole thing and just move on, whilst also realizing that I’ve never presented an argument to the whole situation just made me feel worse. I’m not one to just accept defeat and failure and move the fuck on. Why was I doing this now? Was I just convinced I had nothing worthwhile to offer? Mostly it was because I thought I probably shouldn’t muck w/someone else’s life like that. I shouldn’t get in the way where it’s not my business. It was my business, though. I felt more than a bit "robbed" on account of having someone I was really digging and caring for just up and disappear like that. I decided to put up a fight.

I decided I should just stop being the hard-edged, lonely, miserable ass that I always am and just let loose on her. I figured, as I said last night, that there was about a 50/50 chance that it would turn out in my favor. When I went over there and actually found myself forced to say all of this shit, and ask someone to throw everything out just for my goofy ass.. I sensed the 50/50 chance slipping to about 90/10 - not in my favor. Her silence and our combined comments about the utter "bad timing" of it all were echoed about 100 times. It wasn’t lookin’ good. I was ready to just get up and leave, to walk away. However..

In a surprise twist, she said
"Mitcz… I’m not going to marry him. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and.. there’s just no way I could. It doesn’t feel right"

Okay, one down. But, where did that leave us?

I’ll spare you the details and the sappy crap. We’re together now. Mitcz has got himself a girlfriend, and a damned good one at that. While this may come as a shock, on account of my recently-single status (although, it was like 5 months ago so it ain’t that recent), this was not some last-minute, last-ditch effort bullshit. I’ve been thinking about this decision for a great while anyway, this was just my very last opportunity to do anything about it. I appreciate all the kick-ass people I’ve met and/or dated in these past few months and I’ve realized that things like going out, meeting new people versus going out to get some ass can be, in fact, mutually exclusive. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I didn’t accept that before and I didn’t know how to balance the two. But I get that now - call it "growing up" or whatever. Since I’ve pretty much been no different these past 2 months as a single man as I would be as a "boyfriend fella" - there’s nothing awkward going on in my head. I’ve been (for the most part) exclusively with Laura, her and I have gone out to clubs together, etc. and I’ve not felt weird about being out at a club with a woman I was dating, if even casually. Contrast this with every other relationship I’ve had, and you’ll consider that a bigger deal than it sounds. My 3 years with Celina, by contrast, were largely spent indoors. When she went to a club, it was without me. When I went to a club… which happened all of about 2-3 times, it was without her. That’s not something I blame her for, per se, we just didn’t agree on the kinds of clubs we would like to go to (she liked hip-hop "booty clubs" as I call them - I dig the goth/fetish/punk clubs) and I couldn’t get over the fact that I didn’t need to be hitting on random women in a club to have a good time at one. Another lesson I’ve learned in recent times. Anyway, this recent status change for me isn’t a sudden major paradigm shifting or anything. ‘Tis very nice.

Good times.

So, I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes… it’s worth it to put up a fight, cause.. you never know.
Wow.. this post sure was GEIGH.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.