grr

Fuck, man. Why does my shit just HAVE to keep getting more fuckin’ dismal over here? Is there some magic deck somewhere that picks who’s gonna get the brunt of bad karma and I came up?

This morning, I woke up and called my co-worker to tell him I’d be leaving in a few mins, and I would meet him at the corner store (our usual spot). 5 minutes later, I was curled into a fetal position, unable to breathe or move more than a few inches. I fell to the carpet, still curled up and it felt like someone had punched me as hard as they possibly could right in the fucking stomach. Wind knocked out of me, clutching for breath, stomach churning, everything cramped up. Just fucking PAIN. Pure pain. I tried to get up, and fell again. Crawling across the floor, I grabbed my cellphone from my nightstand to dial 911. My fingers clenched up and I only got "9……1…." in before I closed it shut, realizing I wouldn’t be able to talk to them anyway. I stood up and walked into my living room. Nad’s G/F Lynnise came out of his room to tell me she’d need to move her car so I could leave. I tried to respond, but I still could barely breathe. I just said "uhh…..kay". She said "are you okay?" - "nn….oo…"

She ran to grab something. I fell to the floor again. She said "put your arms above your head.. that’ll help" I couldn’t do anything but shake and shiver in my underwear on the floor and say "ahh…. FUCK….ahh". She gave me two Pepto Bismol tablets. I was able to shove them into my mouth and swig some water and…. I was instantly much better. I stood right up and finished my morning routine.

When I got to work, I stupidly thought "Mmmm… coffee" and after a few sips - the pains came back. I packed 2 more of those Pepto pills w/me, so I immediately knocked those back. Didn’t do shit. Was starting to have trouble breathing again, tried to call my manager (thankfully, didn’t have to dial, she was the last person I called this morning) and I left a message telling her I needed medical assistance immediately and would be leaving soon. Stumbled into our kitchen here, rummaged through the first-aid cabinet, found some Tums, knocked back 2. Felt better a few minutes later.

I just had lunch, and I’ve been drinking water all day. I’m not sure if it’s my overdosage of caffeine lately, or if it’s some weird sugar-intolerance that I’ve got now but… something’s not right. REALLY not right. Almost exactly a year ago, I went to the doctor for a similar (albeit much less painful) condition and the doctor said "If it’s appendicitis, you’re going to know in the 24 hours b/c you’re going to be in extreme pain". It wasn’t appendicitis then, because.. well, I didn’t wake up screaming in pain. They prescribed to me Zantac and I took that for about 3 months, trying to avoid soda, stopped eating McD’s twice daily, and I cut down on smoking quite a bit. Now, I’m back to where I was but with more smoking and swapping McD’s for just about any other fast food I can get my hands on. I really fucking hope I don’t appendicitis or… any kind of condition that requires surgery. Maybe it’s just a wicked case of Acid Reflux and I just need to be on Zantac for a few months and finally get over some of my really bad health habits.

My stomach’s feeling… decent right now. Kinda like I just threw up, kinda sore. But.. nothing like this morning, so I’m okay. I don’t wanna take more time off work right now, so I’m thinking I’ll schedule a weekend appointment and just hope everything stays "cool" from now until then.

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