My 2021 Predictions Reviewed
Written on December 31, 2021
I did this in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.
I’m going to review my predictions from last year, rate them by accuracy (aside from obvious joke predictions), and you can find my 2022 predictions by looking out for #mitczpredicts2022 on Twitter or just by just clicking here to see the #mitczpredicts2022 thread which will go live on Jan 1st, 2022.
I genuinely don’t remember almost any of my predictions, so this could go a lot of weird ways. I’ll bet I did only slightly better than last year, though.
Anyway, onto the #mitczpredicts2021 tweets…
Apple will remove the lightning port entirely from at least one variant of the Sep 2021 iPhone refresh #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
I’m tellin’ ya, kids, this is coming at some point soon. Apple doesn’t want any damn ports, and they wanna make the iPhone as slim as possible. Once they remove that port, the whole damn thing becomes only as thick as the battery they can stuff into it.
You’ll be able to go to a normal, semi-packed dive bar by July #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
I, for one, spent 4th of July at a bar. So, I’m calling this a win.
Facebook will finally face legal troubles, and the process of instagram and/or whatsapp being made independent will begin #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
Damnit. But, there WAS a hearing. So, like… give me some credit.
ZeroSpaces will allow for subscriptions in addition to our classic business model of just one-off purchases, and we’ll double the number of issues by year end #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
Okay, this is cheating cause I’m a co-founder and I wrote all the code for this (and, actually, every piece of functionality and design on ZeroSpaces.com), but hey : shipping a product counts. Sometimes that shit just doesn’t happen and projects die.
We will finally, at long fucking last, go at least an entire month without any news or mentions of that big dumb orange fuck we finally fired in November #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
I swear I didn’t hear his name for about 2 months in the summer. It’s a small win, but I’ll take it.
Many Republicans will be asked about the big dumb orange fuck and they’ll suddenly have no memory of him #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
I’m surprised this one didn’t pan out. If he ever actually faces any legal consequences (LOL), maybe then the fuckers will disavow him.
I’m gonna put things in your butt. Well, maybe not YOUR butt specifically, but someone’s butt #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
I did not put anything in anyone’s butt this year. It’s been a dry spell.
I’ll personally interact with at least 4 new pairs of boobs this year. Another 3 new pairs of boobs I will be sent or shown outside of that. You can donate to the cause in my DMs #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : HALF POINT
I did not interact with any new to me boobs this year. But I still got some n00dz here and there. So, thanks for supporting the cause, folks!
AppleTV+ will have some weird exclusive that everyone talks about even more than they talked about Ted Lasso #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
I mean I, personally, enjoyed The Shrink Next Door but I don’t know anyone who actually watched it other than myself. It’s good! You should watch it!
"Did you get the vaccine?" will become the new "when was your last STD test?" #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
I see “VAXXED / STD FREE” on a lot of dating sites which suggests to me that, yes, this is a thing. And that’s good! More of that please!
Joe Biden will say something dumb. It won't matter, because it won't be serious or nefarious or have any consequences, but trust that Rs will never let it go #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
I don’t have any examples because I don’t wish to muddy my precious brain with rightwing attack circles, but I guarantee they’ve done this multiple times.
I love Kamala Harris's voice. That's not the prediction. The prediction is that it'll be a few years before I tire of hearing her talk about otherwise boring procedural political stuff #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : JOKE TWEET
It is a bit weird, however, that I literally don’t remember the last time I heard her talk. I suspect that’ll change in 2022 when she’ll be riling crowds for Ds ahead of the midterms.
There will be a lot of talk about "dropping COVID weight", maybe even with a catchy term. Coronavigotfat? Quarantinywaistisgone? I don't know! But there will be a term #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
Really, people? We’ve had 2 years being indoors and no one has coined a term for finally dropping the terrible habits and addictions we picked up to cope? I am disappoint.
I'll stop drinking for a month. Cause, uh… 2020 has basically been a gin & tonic IV drip for me #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
I uhh… I’m gonna try this again in 2022. Sorry, liver.
Stacey Abrams will rightfully be praised when GA delivers two Dem Senators on Jan 5th #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
We got our blues in GA. Stacy Abrams was, rightfully, applauded for aiding in the efforts.
Rockstar will announce development of, but give absolutely zero details about, GTA VI #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : FAILURE
Man, I am wrong about this one every single fucking time. It’ll prob happen the one year I don’t make this prediction.
I've tried to get this trending before, and I'm gonna try it again : #UnderboobSunday. C'mon people, we can do this. Together. #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : JOKE TWEET
WHY IS THIS NOT A THING YET?
You will socially distance, wear a mask, wash your hands thoroughly, and avoid getting COVID. Then you'll get the vaccine. You won't drink and drive. And you'll be back here in 2021 to laugh at how poorly these predictions went. #mitczpredicts2021
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2021
STATUS : SUCCESS
You’re reading this, aren’t you? Which means you’re alive. And not in jail for drunk driving. And, if I know my audience, you got the vaccine and probably whined a little about the sore arm (it’s okay, I did too. My arm is currently sore from yesterday’s booster shot).
FINAL SCORE…
SUCCESS : 7.5
FAILURE : 8.5
JUST A JOKE : 2
I did one point better than last year! And almost 50/50 overall. I mean, that’s not bad for a very unpredictable year.
Anyway, make sure you’re following me on Twitter to find out what 2022 has in store and be safe out there, kids. I love ya, and I wanna see you back here in 2022!