My 2020 Predictions Reviewed
Written on December 31, 2020
I did this in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.
I’m going to review my predictions from last year, rate them by accuracy (aside from obvious joke predictions), and you can find my 2021 predictions by looking out for #mitczpredicts2021 on Twitter or just by just clicking here to see the #mitczpredicts2021 thread.
I have a feeling this will be the most wrong my predictions have ever been. 2020 threw us all for a loop. I started the year touring, then went to New Orleans for my father’s memorial service, then I came home and a scant 2 weeks later we were on lockdown. I thought it would last maybe a month or two while we got this under control. I never would’ve guessed the majority of America would’ve spent the majority of a given year quarantined and socially distanced. It didn’t have to go this way. We could’ve had actual fucking leadership listening to actual fucking scientists and we may have avoided the almost 350,000 dead.
Anyway, onto the #mitczpredicts2020 tweets…
The orange virus-in-slightly-human-form will lose miserably, as will many of his elected supporters. But there will be a lot of controversy about the official results #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
I knew he’d lose, and I knew there’d be controversy. I didn’t foresee him losing that many times for that long. What a fucking loser. BYE BITCH!
Tulsi Gabbard will take that Fox News gig she's been vying for under the cloak of being a "democratic candidate" and they'll point to her as proof of being "fair and balanced" #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Okay, didn’t get this one. I still think it’ll happen though.
I will curate an issue of @zerospacestweet that'll make you laugh and maybe aroused. I'll also write at least 2 articles for them. #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Maybe in 2021, but more likely 2022. Can’t write, direct, and film porno in a pandemic.
The fantastic @DismantledShow will make a triumphant return to Reno for V-Day with a new lineup #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
*sigh* those were some good shows. And we pulled it off just before it all went to hell.
I'm finally gonna figure out how to use that pressure cooker a friend gave me, even though it frightens me with all its buttons #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
I used the hell out of that thing for a little while there. But it’s a shitty one and I think the nonstick coating is coming out so everything tastes bad coming out of there now.
I'll relent on my usual position for a re-examination of having anal sex with a partner enthusiastic about the idea #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Maybe in 2021?
Lana Del Rey will drop another "make you cry while you cum" album, and it'll be great #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Goddamnit. Just barely missed this. August 2019, and a new album dropping Jan 11, 2021. So unfair, I almost had this one!
Eddie Murphy will release a new stand-up special. It won't be great. But no one will talk about the new one, they'll talk only about those iconic first two as either a plus or a minus to make their case. #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Well… I also didn’t predict there would be almost no live standup comedy from March to December. So, fuck me I guess.
As the PS5 vs Xbox (Series X? Just Xbox?) war ramps up, Microsoft will make another dumb last-minute decision, but it won't matter cause they're both sold out until Feb 2021 #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : HALF POINT
Microsoft’s dumb decision this time around? Both the naming of it AND the fact that they put out the “Series S”. Yeah, no way everyone is gonna be confused about Series S vs Series X, ya fuckin nimrods. And I was right about the sold out part – but only for PS5. I don’t know anyone who bought, or even wants, a Series X (or Series S for that matter).
The hot new health-craze of 2020? Burning calories by running in place while watching Senate hearings and screaming at the TV #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : JOKE TWEET
Though there was a lot of working out at home and screaming at the TV for some folks
There's gonna be some weird new Netflix show that everyone talks & makes memes about for 3 months and then you'll be really annoyed you haven't had time to watch it before everyone already moved on to something else #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
If you weren’t on social media the month Tiger King came out, and/or you just didn’t watch it, you missed out on a glorious moment of meme overload. It was beautiful for one brief moment and we were all SO fucking over it a month later
As with death and taxes, the only other guarantee in life is that GWAR will tour your (North American, and larger UK cities) town this year #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
Goddamn pandemic. However, this is also the 2nd tweet I’ve made that GWAR themselves liked. The first one was liked by Dave Brockie himself shortly before he died.
You will quickly tire of people looking back on the 2010s and making snarky "20/20 vision" jokes #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
I swear I don’t think I heard, or read, a single joke about this. I thought for sure that was gonna be a thing.
You're all gonna feel reaaaaally silly for making Norman Reedus walk for hours at a time with giant backpacks #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
Death Stranding was all anyone in the videogame space could talk about at the end of 2019. By mid-January, not a fucking peep. So I’m gonna say : yes, people got real damn tired of making Norman Reedus walk around with a giant backpack.
Amazon's proposed LA grocery store experiment is gonna be real damn weird #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
I had to google to see if they actually did open it. They did! But since I never went, I cannot confirm whether or not it’s real damn weird.
You're gonna realize around this time next year that you forgot about your 1-year Disney+ trial through your cellphone provider and realize you haven't used it in at least 4 months #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
While this was mostly a joke tweet, I didn’t predict a new tear-jerker Pixar movie coming out exclusive to Disney+ and skipping theatres entirely, but no one I know was like “oops! I forgot about that 1 year free trial I had!” so I’m gonna take the L on this one.
AppleTV+ / Apple Arcade will fail to make any noticeable impact because Apple does one thing really well : Apple. They're terrible at working with others #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : MOSTLY FAILURE
I’ve heard a lot of good things about Ted Lasso, which I believe is already renewed through a 4th season. I haven’t sprung for a subscription yet myself. That said, no one I know was like “OMG YOU NEED TO GET APPLETV+!” so… it didn’t really make a noticeable impact. And I’ve seen exactly 0 tweets about Apple Arcade, so that’s pretty much a flop in my eyes.
You're gonna NAIL IT this year, you go-getter. New decade, new you. Do it, be bold, take chances #mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : FAILURE
No one nailed it this year, let’s be fair. 2020 was a write-off.
You will not drive home drunk from a NYE party and be around to read how terribly I fucked up these predictions while I make more next year.
Stay safe. Know you're loved. Be a good human.#mitczpredicts2020
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) December 31, 2019
STATUS : SUCCESS
You’re alive! Which… given this year, is quite an accomplishment. Congratulations. I love you all.
FINAL SCORE…
SUCCESS : 6.5
FAILURE : 11.5
JUST A JOKE : 1
Ooph. That’s not great. But, goddamnit, how good were YOUR predictions? Also, I only really cared about the election prediction. And we fucking did it. Fuck that fucking clown.
Anyway, make sure you’re following me on Twitter to find out what 2021 has in store and be safe out there, kids. I love ya, and I wanna see you back here in 2021!