I’ll never forget 6/6/6 — June 6, 2006. Not only is that one of my favorite numbers, but I feel like I rang that shit in properly. I was still doing my show Aural Salvation, I was at a fetish club called HEX, and I was hanging out with a group of circus-act freaks (who were also semi-regular guests of my show) that were doing their brand of freakshow acts for this club. Oh, and I also ended up in a threesome. That’s kinda the whole reason I mention this particular date in time.

There was this girl Jaz¹ that I met on MySpace. I’m pretty sure she hit me up after one of my shows, and — as was common for the time — made a series of strange remarks that led to multiple short conversations. She’s not the type that doles out compliments, or makes it obvious when she’s hitting on you, so I had to read between the lines and make assumptions about her intentions. We started talking regularly on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) around early May (according to my records), usually after I got home from the show and was too tired to go out. What’s funny is that she lived only about a mile away from me in Hollywood, but I kept putting off hanging out with her. I’m pretty sure it had more to do with my standard policy of meeting people in public places when it’s our first time meeting. Over the course of almost a month of AIM chats, we both made a series of “what we’d do” jokes to/about the other, almost like threats. I might say something like “Ohh if I was there, I’d gag you with my cock before you could say ‘Hello’…” and she might say “Psh. I’d make you wear my pussy as a face mask, bitch”. When I finally went over to her place, nothing of the sort happened. We pretty much drank and watched TV.

About a week later, Jaz invites me to HEX. I had no intentions of going at first, and she said she didn’t really wanna go, either, but said (and I’m quoting from our AIM chat logs) “everyone else is going and I don’t wanna be the asshole who says no”. By the time I finished my show that night, I’d been invited to HEX by at least 10 people at that point. So, of course, I had to go. I watched my friends in Freakshow Deluxe (the aforementioned “circus-act freaks”) put on a show in the front area of the club. The way FSD would close out shows at the time was that anyone could staple the leader of FSD — Tommy Gunn — with a stapling gun, for the price of $1. Put another way : you were just stapling $1 to his skin, anywhere you wanted. I paid for Jaz’s $1 staple, and she asked if he’d staple her instead, which he did. She would later, in a hungover state, message me to say “my tit hurts”, and I had to remind her about the staples.

After the FSD show, Jaz introduced me to her friend — let’s call her Eve — who was already a few drinks in, just like Jaz. One of the first things she said to me was “are you coming home with us?”, and I looked at Jaz and she just laughed and said “she’s drunk, ignore her”. Throughout the night, I wandered around the club, hung out with some friends, and then I’d run into the troublesome twosome of Jaz/Eve and they’d make references to “coming home with [them]”. By the time the club was closing, Jaz/Eve said “c’mon! share a cab with us!”, but I relented and said I might drive over later. They both called me lame, but I had a plan.

You see, having never had a threesome, I was worried I might show up — see two naked women — and just come all over the place immediately. So, I drove home and quickly pulled one off. While I was pulling one off, they were calling or texting, which made it difficult to do this in a hurry and then rush over there. I also still wanted to give the balls a little scrubbing, lest I show up with day-long nut funk. When I showed up, they were still drinking, but glad that I finally showed up. Jaz’s first words were something like “you already missed all the fun. fuck you”. I later found out that, while they “waited” for me to arrive, Eve was all over Jaz — fingering her, eating her out. I didn’t know that when I arrived, of course.

We hung out on the balcony for a few, then Jaz left to use the bathroom. Eve grabbed my hand, said “let’s go!”, walked me into Jaz’s bedroom, then told me “she’ll be coming in any second, you’d better be naked when she does”. I still didn’t know how serious either of them were, so I kept my pants on for the moment – lest I have to explain “hey, she told me to be naked!”. It was of little concern, though. Jaz walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but her bra, threw me onto the bed and Eve said “I’m just gonna watch”.

After only about a minute of making out and groping, I looked down to see Eve yanking my pants off. Then she went down on Jaz, while giving me a handjob. I maneuvered myself around to go down on Eve, while she went down on Jaz, and both of them were jerking me off. I was in heaven. It was everything I’d hoped it’d be, and more. We kept switching up positions, switching up whose genitals went into whose mouth, doubling-up on each other, making triangles of mutual oral. By the time the proverbial dust settled, it was 6am. We’d gone at it for 4 hours. I lost track how many times I came, but I was pretty much jizzing air by the end. I left in the wee hours of the morning, amongst a chaotic bedroom and two passed-out women. I was worried Jaz may have been too drunk and would wake up the next morning with no recollection of what happened. But, she remembered enough of it. She hit me up on AIM the next day and I had to walk her through the details. She was fine with everything, but wished she remembered more of the details. This is a screenshot of part of that convo: http://revmitcz.com/2015/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/theconvo.jpg

Jaz would go on to orchestrate several orgies thereafter. She became something of a threesome pimp, luring women into her apartment then inviting me over — but, again, another story for another time. Her and I only hooked up as a twosome once, and it was awkward as hell cause we were so used to having a third party around. She’s since moved away, but we still talk. I miss having a threesome orchestrator around.

At any rate — that’s how threesomes should come together. None of this “couple seeking a third” shit, where one half of the couple has a crises mid-thrust. No. Get 3 friends together who aren’t super-close, get your clothes off, and fuck each other.

1. shortened version of her name, but with her permission ↩