My 2024 Predictions Reviewed (and maybe the end of an era)
Written on December 30, 2024
I did this in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, and in 2023 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.
Well, I’m doing the FIRST part, where I review last year’s predictions. I’ve had this weird cough / sore-throat thing going on for the past week and I’ve been trying to attack from every outside-of-a-doctor level I can. It’s getting better, finally, but I’m in no mood to try and predict next year. I also just don’t give a shit. Last year’s optimism is long fucking gone this time around and I can’t pretend I have anything resembling a positive and hopeful thing for any of you to look forward to this year.
I will say this : no matter what is going on outside of your control, no matter how dark and depressing and even hopeless it may seem : DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN. We fight to live on another day, and we will find a way to a brighter tomorrow. Somehow. Some day. You may not see that on even the clearest of days towards the furthest horizons, but the light will return.
While I can only remember a few I nailed or failed, without further ado, onto the #mitczpredicts2024 tweets…
TFG, if he's even on the ballot, will lose by an unmistakable margin.
This will, however, be "controversial" to fucking idiots#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : FAILURE
I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t give a shit if you called it. I don’t give a shit if you’re dancing around wearing your big dumb red MAGA hat and shoving little orange hitler dolls up your ass to own the libs.
I was wrong in my prediction. America, mark my fucking words, was wrong about its choice. I will not argue this with you, and you can fuck entirely off if you think I “need to hear this” about how it all happened or why “this is good, actually”. I do not care. Nothing you, or anyone else, says will change this very unfortunate outcome, so I have no reason to listen to it. Genuinely : Fuck you, fuck off, next.
I'll make another forced orgasm chair, but – more importantly – I'll finally put to use the prototype I already made on someone#mitczpredicts2024 pic.twitter.com/QbIzgqMt8C
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : FAILURE
Y’know, I just didn’t get around to making another one. I was so focused on other projects, the chair project kinda took a backseat. These are how projects go some times. For privacy reasons, I’m holding off on divulging the usage statistics and/or reviews.
I'm gonna buy a new couch#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : SUCCESS!
It’s funny, I forgot that I rang in 2024 with no furniture in my new place. I think I dragged my feet about the couch thing until maybe mid-late January, when I went and picked out a couch and loveseat combo that I genuinely love – the color, the comfort, the size, all of that. Can you believe this is the first time I bought a brand-new couch set? I know! Such an adult!
I'm a little surprised there isn't a prominent celebrity-backed or celebrity-owned hard seltzer.
I think this year we'll see at least one.#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : Uuuuhh…..
I mean… okay, apparently there’s at least a few. But most of those examples are, like, flavors of an already-established brand. I was thinking more like how everyone has either a tequila, vodka, or gin brand. I may just be out of the loop.
You're gonna see ads for some new company all over the place on YouTube and it'll turn out to be a scam#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : Hear me out!
Listen, it’s exceedingly uncommon for a brand new company to hire 100s of YouTubers/Podcasters/Etc in January, and then be called out as fraud by December. It took easily 2-3 years for the utter bullshit of Established Titles to get called out. Just this week, some folks FINALLY called out Honey, and even though I haven’t heard about those stupid “color for the color blind” glasses in easily 4-5 years, only THIS YEAR did I start seeing them called out as such (and more than once).
The Hawk-Tuah (sp?) bitcoin scam hardly counts cause meme coins don’t get promoted by YouTubers & Podcasters. When will someone finally call out the bullshit waste of all these “WE’LL GROCERY SHOP (in tiny quantities that cause more waste, and for more money) FOR YOU!” companies like HelloFresh?
Other ones that are definitely not worth your money : that water bottle with scent pods, that overpriced 1/2-sized cereal brand that no one actually eats, anything Mr Beast or either Paul brother has – or will – ever put their name on.
Fully AI generated AI pornstars will make a killing on OF (and similar) sites#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : WRONG?
I honestly haven’t paid much attention, but I still work in/around the adult industry and I also keep my eye on social media, reddit, youtube, etc. I feel like if this was happening at high enough levels to worry about, I’d have heard more about it. Yes, I know there are some creepy companies doing some shady shit out there, but they don’t seem to have tried (yet) to infiltrate the so-called “mainstream” spaces. This may be more about OF (et al) wanting to keep that sweet “Fake girlfriend who wants your money” cash to themselves by just banning any of those accounts they don’t control.
I would not, in fact, be surprised if THAT comes to light as a thing some of them are doing in 2025. Look at me making predictions!
At least 5 people will show me their boobs, either personally or virtually, and it'll be the first time I've seen them
Why, yes, my DMs ARE open thanks for asking#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : SUCCESS! YAY!
Every year I predict it, and every year it happens. God I love boobs.
There's gonna be a real weird celebrity death. Like someone way younger than you'd expect, and/or in a way that makes people go "WTF?" and run to conspiracy theories#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : KINDA?
It didn’t shock me, per se, only because I don’t really pay attention to this stuff but Liam Payne of One Direction dying at 31 after falling out of a hotel room window is pretty wild. I don’t think it quite reached the level of conspiracy, but I wouldn’t blame a superfan from being a bit blindsided there.
I had to look through AP’s Master List to remember some of them. And, hey, that’s not my being callous : there’s just so many people! Every year, we’re gonna have more and more celebrity deaths because we created way more post-1950s celebrities than pre-1950s and they’re not getting any younger.
GWAR will finally play a live show in LA again, not as part of some silly festival.
And, yes, of course I will be there in my homemade GWAR whites#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : FUCK YES
Nailed it. I honestly did not know, at the time I made this tweet, that it would come to pass. I just figured they were long overdue. Now if you want to put it on a technicality that they played Anaheim, CA which is not Los Angeles, CA, knock yourself out. As for me and my GWAR-group (including an enthusiastic first-timer!), we had a fucking blast and none of us cared it was a bit of a drive to get to.
Losing re-election in 2024 :
– Lauren Bobert
– Kyrsten Sinema
– Joe Manchin
– Josh Hawley#mitczpredicts2024— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : NOT RIGHT ENOUGH!
I’ll call this a wrong prediction, even if I did get it 50% right. The other two wastes of a seat that eeked out a win? Well, see above about fucking entirely off if you think I have any desire to hear your thoughts on the matter.
There'll be some kind of reckoning about the Crypto (dotcom) Arena.
Surely that's getting renamed, right? We can't just have that shame on our great city without question, can we?#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : I GUESS NOT?
I remain baffled
The Boys season 4 will be the only reason anyone cares that Amazon has a streaming video service#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : GLORIOUSLY WRONG!
Hey, a rare win-by-losing! C’mon, don’t act like you didn’t watch the shit out of FALLOUT and love every second. That shit was glorious. I didn’t even care about The Boys Season 4, honestly. Felt a little too… I don’t know, it’s just not fun any more. Maybe when we bash the fash in ’26-’28-and-beyond, I can giggle watching fashy shit happen in fiction again.
There will be another weird-ass TikTok trend that pops up in February and you'll forget by December when you're doing bar trivia about events in 2024#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : NAILED IT
Two words. Er.. one word? ONE HYPHENATED PHRASE : HAWK-TUAH! That whole phenom rose and fall in one calendar year and I called it. My fellow proud sluts : get out there and spit on some dicks without fear of dudes yelling that white trash catchphrase at you (one hopes).
This is less of a prediction and more of a hope :
NEW PORTISHEAD 2024 LET'S FUCKING GO
C'mon. We all need more moody fuck music. And, outside of the inimitable LDR no one does it better#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : GODDAMNIT.
It was a long shot. But if you will it, dude, it is the dream.
We will edge ever closer to the dream of fully-automated luxury gay space communism#mitczpredicts2024
— Mitcz (@revmitcz) January 1, 2024
STATUS : AN UNFORTUNATE JOKE
Every day, we slowly lose sight of that glorious fully-automated luxury gay space communist center in the stars that remains ever elusive to us earth-stuck folks.
FINAL SCORE…
SUCCESS : 4
FAILURE : 7
JUST A JOKE / DRAW : 4
Hey, I can’t see the future! Surprise surprise! Stay safe.