Mitcz

...wants you to know it's pronounced "Mitch"

My 2022 Predictions Reviewed

Written on December 31, 2022

I did this in 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021 because I’m fully okay with showing how wrong I can be (and, mostly, because it’s a fucking hoot), so I’m doing it again this year.

I’m going to review my predictions from last year, rate them by accuracy (aside from obvious joke predictions), and you can find my 2023 predictions by looking out for #mitczpredicts2023 on Twitter or just by just clicking here to see the #mitczpredicts2023 thread which will go live on Jan 1st, 2023.

While I can only remember a few I nailed or failed, without further ado, onto the #mitczpredicts2022 tweets

STATUS : FAILURE, HAPPY FAILURE

I am so goddamn happy I was wrong about this. That said, I would have predicted this outcome by summer time, as the Republican party just cannot stop openly trying to destroy everything before they even have the chance or power to do so. And suddenly fewer and fewer people realize the leopards might eat their face as they promised to do.

STATUS : HALF SUCCESS

Just two first dates this year, actually. But on one, I did touch a naked titty. So, like, I award myself a half-point for being 2/3rd correct.

STATUS : FAILURE

I don’t have anything further to add, except that we have decided to go in another direction. This one stings a little.

STATUS : FAILURE

Another one I’m glad I was wrong about, but also this year it was revealed that one of the reasons they were able to so quickly dominate the space – even before Covid – was some shady backroom deals with social media platforms. So, maybe they’ll stick to adult for as long as they can milk that particular cow and get away with it.

STATUS : MOSTLY SUCCESS

Even in mainstream outlets, they say things like “Meta … formerly known as Facebook”. In alt-media (Youtubers, Tweets, etc) you can see, hear, or read the audible groan when they have to use the name Meta. It’s kind of funny, actually. Google – the website / search engine – is owned by renamed Alphabet but fucking no one says Alphabet when they refer to Google – the website, the company, the properties, etc. Some of you reading this right now are Today Years Old when you found out that Google isn’t owned by Google.

STATUS : NO COMMENT

I told you I may never tell you if this prediction was correct or not. Maybe one day I’ll tell you it was. Or that it wasn’t. Or continue to remain silent. Who knows! (but, no, this was not a joke tweet)

STATUS : SUCCESS

I did a few small open mics here and there, but that certainly counts. I was onstage. I told jokes. People were there. I even have filmed proof I did it.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I’m going to count the pushback from Dahmer in here. It seemed like – rightfully – this was a “true crime, but make it drama!” bridge too far for many people. Dahmer was a drunk, predatory, lazy, and entirely useless idiot who preyed on the most vulnerable (mostly gay POC) folks and the only interesting thing about his story is the failure of law enforcement. He, himself, is absolutely forgettable and uninteresting and not even worth talking about, honestly. He never did a single useful or positive thing in his life that would merit even a passing reference in his – or anyone else’s – paid obituary in the classifieds. Why the whole series wasn’t solely focused on the ineptitude of police and their complete abandonment of a vulnerable population is why that series deserves all the scorn – and so much more – that it can get.

Hey, Netflix? Free pitch : A documentary series called “Failing the Public : The Case for Defunding the Police” and it’s a 10-12 episode docuseries made yearly (don’t act like you don’t have the staff to break off into teams to make their own mini-doc once a month) and broken down by either a locale or a crime spree or event where the fucking bare minimum wasn’t even considered. THAT would be compelling and worthwhile television.

STATUS : SUCCESS

Okay, look, you can call me callous for using the word “Success”. You can do that. Go right ahead. I won’t apologize for it, but you can hurl words at me for it. You might also be like “ohh come on! anyone could’ve predicted that!”. Sure, fine. But I never made this prediction in all the years prior. I also didn’t quote-tweet myself when it happened. So, give me a little credit.

For the record, I was also right about it being a weird fuckin’ week.

STATUS : SUCCESS

I have not finished the book, because it’s a lot to wrestle with, and – 6 months ago – I decided for the first time in my adult life to start seeing a therapist, so I’m kinda working through my shit in a lot of ways. But I read about 1/2 of it over the course of 2-3 days and what I read was fantastic and I did cry. So you should probably get yourself a copy as well. I’d have added “or if you know a dude who could use a critical lens on his misogyny” but let’s be honest : dudes who need to read this book don’t read books like this. Which is a bummer.

STATUS : HALF POINT

I officiated my sister’s wedding. So, 1 for 2. The other wedding hasn’t happened yet. I will never, in all my years, understand getting engaged and then spending more than a year putting off even the planning of a wedding. But I also don’t have any desire to ever get married, settle down, or have kids. So I guess I’m the weird one.

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

I, myself, bought a broken laughing clown doll and forgot about it until I was cleaning the other day and it fell off the shelf and started laughing again and I was like “ohhh yeah, the creepy clown doll, I’m glad he’s still rockin”.

STATUS : HALF POINT

I mean I don’t think any new accusations came out about any comedians, but there was a damn solid YouTube doc about ol’ Chris D’elia (credit : Kyle Anderson) that’s worth your time to watch. That said, every dude comic mentioned in that doc has been radio fucking silent on the matter.

STATUS : HALF POINT

Okay, okay, this didn’t happen. And I’m genuinely indifferent either way. I’ve enjoyed a few episodes, at times, but it’s just not very compelling cause it feels like it doesn’t know what it wants to be and Jon Stewart seems to not know what show he’s making and for whom it’s being made. It’s like a bunch of 30-somethings came together with nostalgia for the golden days of The Daily Show and were like “Jon! Do the thing!” and he’s like “oh, uh … okay, I’m … doing the thing!” and no one, including Jon Stewart, has the heart to just admit that ship sailed and no amount of pulling the string is gonna make the monkey do the dance you loved so much. Some things end, it happens.

Also, it remains to be seen what makes Apple cancel a show. It seems, thus far, they don’t cancel shows and just let them end on their creators’ own terms. Which is great! Honestly! I’m just curious what show will be cancelled first and why. No one yet knows their media strategy and they have All Of The Money so they don’t even need one beyond “give money to people who have made money in entertainment before and see what happens” and so far that’s largely worked out pretty well for them. HAVE YOU SEEN SEVERANCE? YOU MUST SEE SEVERANCE!

STATUS : SUCCESS

It feels a little rude to mention when this happens, but feels even more rude to not at least thank those anonymous heroes who have and continue to do so.

STATUS : SEMI-FAILURE

Yes, he has largely begun fading into obscurity and – were 2022 not an election year – probably would’ve remained that way. And I suspect eventually will. But, golly, him trying to meme his way into relevance by using his fake-crying testimony footage over and over again is certainly sad, but in the way that’s fun for people like me who think he sucks.

STATUS : JOKE TWEET

Genitals in your mouth are fun! Try it some time!

STATUS : SUCCESS

Once again, you’re reading this, so I am at least correct that you lived another year. Happy new year to you and yours!

FINAL SCORE…

SUCCESS : 7.5
FAILURE : 5.5
JUST A JOKE : 2

Huh. Not quite as many tweets as in years’ past, but a relatively strong showing in the accuracy department.

Anyway, make sure you’re following me on Twitter to find out what 2023 has in store and be safe out there, kids. I love ya, and I wanna see you back here in 2024!