Since Faith No More is in town for 3 nights, and I just got back from the 1st of their 3 shows (and have passes for seeing them again tomorrow, April 23rd), this is a good time to tell my Mike Patton stories. Mike Patton, if you don't know, is the lead singer of Faith No More. Before that, he was the lead singer of Mr. Bungle, and he's been so prolific that ...

(if you missed Part 1 and Part 2, you're gonna be confused) It must have been just a few weeks into my Senior year of high school. I was working at an arts & crafts store called Old America at the time. The Bus was still consistently running out of gas at inconvenient ...

(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) Throughout the remaining month or so of summer, I got pretty good at driving The Bus and acclimating to its various quirks. Chuck (my stepdad) gave me a book provided by Darryl called "The Complete Idiots Guide to Volkswagen Bus Maintenance and Repair". He told me any issue I'd have with The ...

At the start of my Sophomore year of high school, I was 15 and had my Driver's Permit. As I was turning 16 in a few months, my mom knew I was going to start asking about some kind of car-for-myself situation. My sister's history of vehicles prior to that included things like her friend's beat-ass car that she bought for $300 that didn't have a key but a ...

(if you missed Part 1 or Part 2, you're gonna be confused) On the drive back from picking up Kevin, it was difficult to get answers. He was still a little bit fucked up, even after the "buzz kill" of watching friends get arrested in his ride home, and realizing they collectively lost $6500 worth of ...

(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) So I sent Janice off with Kevin, into the wild of late-night raves in the middle of the desert between Phoenix and Tucson. They were carrying roughly $6500 worth of product with them, plus they each had a pager. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out : pretty much everything. There was this guy Brandon. Complete ...

It's important, in life, to have a few Scumbag Friends . People you can go to when you have a terrible idea that's also illegal, who can guide you along the way, and don't pass judgment. I had quite a few Scumbag Friends in Phoenix, especially towards the end of my time there, but none so insane as Joey. This is a kid who once vowed to spend an entire week ...

(if you missed Part 1, you're gonna be confused) So there I was. In Florida. The plan was in action, only three things left to do : 1. Sign my lease and get my keys 2. Call Porno Joe about the job 3. Move my shit in when the truck arrived I hopped in a cab, and arrived at my new apartment ...

This is a story about the biggest mistake I've ever made. Summer of 2002 - May, to be more exact (I'm glad I keep weird notes to myself for my much older self to discover) - I had just started performing comedy. Not a lot, mind you. Maybe one gig a month, at best. I was working at a fetish porn company as a web designer. I was in the ...

(if you missed Part 1, Part 2, and/or Part 3, you're gonna be confused) UPDATE : I've added a video of a full Godless performance right over here, if you're interested. Throughout my Senior year, I continued doing Godless shows, while working on my own band - Terratism - with friends of mine. This didn't really impact my ability to perform with ...